Saturday, August 10, 2013
I have been in a major funk for a while. Yes, I know why, and while I'm trying to pull myself out of it, it tends to get the better of me more than I'd like to admit. Now, to add a special twist to things, I'm starting to have WEIRD dreams. My eyes popped open just before 3 this morning, and I was wide awake, and royally pissed off. I have no idea what I was mad about, my by jaw was clenched and my brow was furrowed big time. I accidentally woke my husband up with the light of my phone when I looked at the time, and he was like "What are you doing?" to which I got even more upset and answered "I don't know!" before getting out of bed. I tried to figure out what was making me so angry, but couldn't figure it out, and chalked it up to an anger dream. Have you ever had one of those?? They are so freaky!
It took me forever to fall back asleep too. I would be half awake, half asleep and my thoughts wouldn't make any sense (I can't even remember what I was thinking/dreaming about) but I'd feel myself starting to get really mad again, and my half awake brain would try to step in to the dream brain to calm everything down. Waking up was a real battle today too! I feel really tired this morning, like I went 10 rounds last night!
Today is my sister's birthday AND bridal shower, and tomorrow is my mom's family reunion. I am extremely bummed out that I am not able to attend, which is the only thing that I can think of that I might be subconsciously angry about. I thought I'd worked through it though, so I'd be a bit surprised if that was it!
I had a massage yesterday to start working out the tension I'm carrying around (and feeling hardcore now that I've been banned from my beloved Aleve!). It was a great start, but now I'm sore - I don't think I drank enough water yesterday and I feel bruised where she worked the most. I have been trying to take time for "me healing," and this is one of the biggest ways I'm trying to do that.
In terms of how I've been physically feeling lately, my stomach/core is a mess. I am still getting sharp pains, and after looking up more information about the gallbladder, it makes me wonder if that would be part of what is going on internally. I'm trying to get in to get the ultrasound done, but I know it won't happen tomorrow! All this information at our fingertips is wonderful and terrifying, isn't it?? I feel like there are so many overlapping symptoms, and I have at least a handful or more from each new possible issue! So confusing, don't you think?
Anyhow! I should be getting back to work. Which reminds me, I've been considering applying for a different job within the library. I feel like my job hasn't shaped up the way I expected, and I admit I'm a bit disenchanted. Perhaps being in a department that isn't so confrontational and needlessly hyper would be a good thing for me right now!!!! So much to think about...