Friday, August 09, 2013
I always say that losing the weight is the easy part but I am beginning to realize that it is a lot harder then that. Anyone will tell you that losing weight should be simple, the formula is pretty basic, eat less, move more. But if it were that simple, then everyone would be at the weight they want right? Then why does it seem so hard?
I think for me, it is hard because I have a relationship with food that is not about nutrition, it is about emotion. Sure I eat because I need to fuel my body, everyone does but I also eat to fuel an emotional emptiness. I log my food everyday here on Spark (well almost everyday) and through some therapy and reading I have also been keeping a food/feelings log. So, you log what you eat, the time and the feeling you are having, I have been so surprised at how often I go to eat something and it really is not about hunger at all. What this really helps me to do is to stop and actually ask myself if I am hungry, if I am not then I try to move on with my moment. I told myself recently you are just going to have to feel what I am deeming as uncomfortable, I said to myself, if you really aren't hungry, then as they say this to shall pass. I struggle everyday, but each day that I become more aware of why I eat, rather then what I eat, it is my goal to have this get easier instead of harder.
Why else is it so hard, not everyone is an emotional eater? Is it hard because I don't always want to follow the rules, I don't want to put in the work. I remember when I first logged on to Spark, and I lost those first 5-10 pounds, then I lost more. How did I lose my Spark? Did I get to comfortable? Do I have unrealistic expectations? I reached my goal but started to slip back into my old habits. Then I tried, low carb, not logging my food but being "mindful" of my eating, taking weekends off, you name it I have tried it. But what I know to be the truth is, you have to work at it every day, day in and day out. I have to accept the fact that I need to track my food everyday. I just do and will probably have to forever. But what is the alternative, gaining the weight back? No, I have to mean more to me then the hassle. I am a huge proponent of doing what works for you, low carb, Paleo, whatever, but again, if you don't put in the work and make it your lifestyle, things will just be hard.
I am reminded of this commercial for a diet pill that has been on the air lately, and the girl says, I am going to lose this extra 30 pounds and then watch out, I will be so sexy, blah, blah, blah. She looked fine the way she was. So, don't you think it is hard when we are constantly barraged with what people want us to think the ideal body and weight is. I have been stuck for a long time with trying to reach some sort of number on the scale, like it is going to bring me some sort of nirvana, but I know it is not. That is why I am working with someone to help me get over these body image issues I have. Because if I don't love myself the way I am, it just makes it hard.
I know there are a lot of people out there that eat way less calories then I do, an exercise way more then I do, and probably see faster results. But you know, that is fine with me. I lost weight the slow and steady way because I knew I was never going to spend 2 hours 5 days a week at the gym, or give up my pasta and wine. So, I worked out and ate in a way that was comfortable. I had to do what was best for me, not what other people were doing, regardless. This is my journey not anyone else's. Right now I am making it hard for myself because I let myself indulge to often. But I make no excuses, it is what it is. But I am here everyday, regardless if I am losing or not, because I have to work at it everyday, or it will always be hard!!