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    LUCKYLISA12002   32,577
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100 Pounds Down (For the 2nd time) but this time I've learned I AM worth it

Friday, August 09, 2013

In 2006 I should have been a happy 18 year old enjoying my high school senior prom, going on the senior class trip, graduation, and enjoying my last year of high school but instead I was a stressed out, miserable, self-loathing 18 year old who often went home upset and crying. I did however attend my prom, spent a lot of money on my dress, shoes, nails, hair, and make-up just to feel miserable while there. It was uncomfortable and awkward and I knew I didn't belong there. I sat at a table alone while my friends hit up the dance floors with the many guys who asked them to dance. I had zero confidence so I sat in my chair so it wouldn't fly away with my head on my hand sighing and wishing I was dancing too. After prom ended I went home really upset because no one asked me to dance and I just knew it was because I was fat and ugly. The self-loathing has been a part of me since elementary school when the bullying began so I had it stuck in my mind that I was ugly, fat, and a freak because I didn't fit in anywhere.

I worked by butt off to graduate high school 6 months early and started working full time at a coffee roasting company. I ended up attending my graduation in a white gown with no family in attendance. I felt so sad and so upset. I had 3 friends attend and they sat in the back talking amongst themselves. I walked the stage with no cheers from family/friends. I remember feeling in that moment worthless. I hated high school but I hated walking the stage feeling completely and utterly alone.

One day at work I decided to weigh myself on the scale we had at work to weigh coffee beans. I hopped on and was mortified when the scale flashed 350 pounds. I thought that simply couldn't be so I reweighed myself 10 times just to be sure and each time the number did not change. I was flabbergasted. I could not believe I had let myself go! I knew in that moment I did not want to be like my mom who died when I turned 2 years old from being obese. I knew something had to change and quickly or I would be in the same position she was in.

I cut fast food, sodas, and junk food cold turkey. I began eating healthier, drinking more water, and I joined spark people. I found new ideas, got fitness tips, and I was able to find people like me who just wanted to be healthy. I joined a gym and I lost 100 pounds before my life spiraled down. I lost my job during the middle of 2008 when the economy really started to crash. I was not able to find work anywhere! I tried so hard to find work and I became so stressed out and worried that my old habits came out to play and play they did. I had to quit the gym because I could no longer afford it and I began to eat unhealthy again because it was "cheap." About a year and a half later I was back up to 290 pounds! I couldn't believe it but the scale stared at me again, almost mocking me.

I started college in 2010 and began to take classes for an associates degree in office management. I was shocked when I got my first grades back during my 1st semester and I received all A's and a 4.0 GPA. I was so proud of myself but I knew something was lacking in my life and I realized it was the fact that I felt like I was failing at life because of my weight. So I got back on that horse and started eating healthy, walking, drinking more water, eating more (I was only eating 1 big meal a day), and I turned to spark people. I have been able to join a gym and I am now down to 250 pounds. I have now lost 100 pounds again and it feels so great to be in a better place not with the scale but mentally and emotionally.

I have realized I am WORTH everything, I DESERVE things in life such as my own personal HAPPINESS. I have self-worth, self-love, self-esteem, and confidence... something that I was lacking for most of my life. I am learning to enjoy life and never take things for granted. I know I am a beautiful person and I don't need a scale to tell me that and that is by far the best accomplishment I have ever been able to achieve. I am worth more than what the number on the scale tells me. I don't need to be a certain size or weight to be beautiful, I am beautiful right now. I have set a goal to lose 50 more pounds and I know I can do this! I believe in myself now even when others don't.



The picture on the left is me at my high school senior prom... I don't look happy! Sure I might have a smile but it's my FAKE smile. I learned how to fake being happy and to have a fake smile. In the middle photo I can see my transformation truly beginning not just in my body but in my confidence. The old me would NEVER in a million years wear a dress like that and out in public, oh my! I began to shop for dresses more often and I knew I had a special pep to my step. The photo on the right I can see how I feel radiating out of me and dang it feels good!



This is the most current photo of me taken August 4 2013 and I feel amazing! In this photo I weigh 250 pounds. I have realized that I don't need to be "barbie" size to be accepted, I can be ME size. Only I can determine my goals, only I can keep me on this healthy path, and only me can radiate the confidence that I feel.

I AM WORTH IT and so are YOU! We can do this together.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EDELWEISS33 8/11/2013 10:47AM

    woohoo! you go girl!!!! emoticon

I didn't have friends and went to the prom with my neighbor and he group danced with a bunch of people and so I did too.
we had a great time honking the horn on the way to ice cream afterwards too.

life is what you make it. if there's dancing, get up and dance! if there's horn honking, honk1! if there's woo hoo ing, woo hoo! just have fun! it's your life! you're worth it! have fun!

Comment edited on: 8/11/2013 10:50:20 AM

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STEPH-KNEE 8/10/2013 7:13AM

    You are amazing, and you learned from the first go around everything you needed to not only be successful but to keep it off for good. I am very proud of you! emoticon emoticon

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OPTIMIST1948 8/10/2013 5:44AM

    You see these ** ? They are pom-poms waving for you!

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MSGO72 8/10/2013 12:41AM

  emoticon

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TAMMYAND 8/9/2013 10:28PM

    Great blog and great photos. I am proud of you.

Here are some hugs emoticon from someone old enough to be your mother.

Keep up the great work.



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SUEPERWOMAN 8/9/2013 8:31PM

   
I'm so happy for you!

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CRUISEBOUND2014 8/9/2013 6:33PM

    emoticon You have come a long way! You are totally worth it! emoticon
emoticon

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MERRYMARY42 8/9/2013 6:32PM

    this is fantastic, loved the blog, and your spirit, Keep it up, and never never think you are less than you are

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FIT-LIFE 8/9/2013 5:44PM

    You are awesome and Strong! Congrats on your transformation!!

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CATLADY52 8/9/2013 5:40PM

    You have done us all proud. That is what SparkPeople is all about! emoticon

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THROOPER62 8/9/2013 5:28PM

    emoticon emoticon

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DARJR50 8/9/2013 4:59PM

  way to go

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RUFFIT 8/9/2013 4:59PM

    Great Blog!! emoticon hugs, Moni

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GARDENQE2 8/9/2013 4:43PM

    Good job, Lisa!
I LOVE YOUR BARBIE SHIRT !!!
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LETHA_ 8/9/2013 4:26PM

    Yes, we are worth it!
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