Friday, August 09, 2013
Stopping a binge is not easy, but it comes when you stop shouldering all of the burdens of the world on your own. I can assume responsibility for myself, this one sole creature and what happens in my life is a direct result of the actions and reactions I take and manage. For an occasional binger like myself, stopping myself in mid track can often be about coming down off the assumption that not only am in control of everything, but that I need to be.
When I awoke this morning, I did what I so often do, roll over and read email. There was a stupid one from a client (notice where I put stupid) and her line of "no one told me about that" made me see red. Oh, the sky is blue, no one told you, do you have an objection to that, too? Small clients in my experience can be the most high maintenance in my experience. Anyone else feel that? I digress.
I could have let my anger spiral and emailed then. (I didn't) and decided to wait not only until I got to work, but until after I blogged in case it helped me to release some angst. I let myself off the hook, for getting angry, Reacting in negative 30 seconds does not help the situation, nor does it help me. I realize that when I am in a state of overwhelm or people-pleasing mania, I am most often apt to go off. Not in anger sense (though that could happen), but eating in a way that is far less than healthy than I deserve.
I know I can't always do what "I" want in a situation, but more often than not, I can come to a good compromise. Maybe what I chose to do would not be someone else's course of action but that is okay - it does not need to be. There is a wake I could go to this weekend. I don't really want to - but I might, leaning towards no. My brother (who lives 800 miles away) told me it would be a nice gesture for me to attend. It is easy to say that when you live across the country. I live 90 miles from there, and it is at the same place where my parents were (last year.) Not sure if I want go back there yet. I'm going to send flowers or a dish garden, and honestly, that is okay by me. I need to live up to my standard, not what someone else chooses. I get to choose for me.
There is no real point to this blog, other than I am reminding myself that i get to live for me and make my own choices.