Thursday, August 08, 2013
While in the midst of a perfect plank, with my hot pink running shorts on and as my purple t-shirt slowly crept up my belly, I noticed something in the gym mirror. My skin looked soggy. Cornflakes in day old milk kind of soggy. It's not like I didn't know that i had some loose skin; I know. However I typicall only worry myself with my bat wings and lady lumps in my inner thighs. My tummy is a lost cause so I barely pay that any attention but in that plank, in that moment, I noticed the looseness pull away from my spine and hang in my abdomen. I observe the way the skin on my neck pulls towards the floor-my former double chin. I begin to quiver as my pose threatens to break and my quads, which appear so solid, quivers a little longer than I like.
As I come out of my plank, I try to shake my thoughts and begin to do jumping jacks. Bad idea. I managed 10 before I quit, not out of exasperation, but because it looked like my body was being manipulated by a wind machine. Why is my skin suddenly so noticeably gelatineous? How do I improve my skin condition?
In other news, I am 29 days away from my wedding. As it nears, I struggle daily. Not an emotional struggle but the stress has me yo-yoing between horrible food choices and healthy habits. I go to the gym and kill it one day just to be too busy the next two days with work and wedding planning. I do not want to look bak at my wedding pictures and regret the decisions I made. On the flipside, I am super proud that I am who I am TODAY and not who I was 15 months ago. That is a blessing.
I usually do my best when I have a goal or deadline in sight and suprisingly, my wedding isn't motivating me anymore. My fittings are done and I really need to maintain that stature in order for my gown to fit. Plus, I know my fiance absolutely loves my body now (he loved me and my body before too but this new body allows for a lot more creativity
) and on most days, I am satisfied with the way I look. On others, like three days ago, I nearly break out in tears out of fear of going back to where I was. Well Derrell and i intend to go to Chicago in March for a Bulls/Celtics game. The last time we were there was during my last weight loss attempt. While I was healthy, I was about 15 lbs heavier than I am now and I was disappointed that I couldn't buy much on Michigan Avenue. This time around, I want to be able to shop in stores that sell more than accessories. I am not going to give myself a weight loss goal, but I would love to be one full size down, in a Misses 14 by that date. A size 12 would be ideal because a lot of the stores only go to a Large but I want to be realistic. Realistically, however, without the wedding looming over my head, I may be able to concentrate more on my health and weight loss.