Tuesday, August 06, 2013
I've lost it. That spark that I had for the first year to year and a half. Now its almost two years since I started this journey and its gone. Two years in 10 days and yes, I'm still 150 pounds down from where I started, but the scale has slowly started to crawl back up. I've lost my motivation, my healthy eating and my spark. Luckily, the only thing I haven't given on yet, is working out. However, it seems to not be doing too much for me, especially on the weekends.
I measured myself today. I'm up in all the categories I measure in.
Waist, up from 43 to 43.5
Hips, up from 44 to 45.5 I can feel this in my pants. They still fit in the size 16, but they are getting a bit tight. My shirts are especially getting tighter.
Thighs, up from 24.5 to 25
Arms, only up slightly, from 12 to 12.25 or so
Scale.... up from 185 on Saturday morning to 189 last night. Again, a lot of it is water weight form the weekend, but I'M SO SICK OF IT!!!!!!
I'm still doing the elliptical an hour a day. I leave the gym DRENCHED... during the week I'm eating 1400-1500 calories. The weekends are what are killing me. Absolutely killing me.
I know how to do this... I've done it. Why can't I find that motivation to lose these last 10-15 pounds?
Sunday was the first day I've taken off from the gym or working out in some form in a while. The whole time I felt completely guilty. I took off because I had tweaked my ankle the night before and it hurt to walk on it or move it in any way. I knew I shouldn't use it until it got better. It was a bit better yesterday and by the time I went to work out, it hardly hurt at all. Now I feel like I should have gone on Sunday.
UGH. I hate this feeling. Hate feeling like I'm going to go backwards.
I'm dreading this weekend. I'm such a creature of habit and I'm gonna be out of town from Wednesday night to Sunday. The only day I know I won't be working out like I normally do is Thursday, but even still. It will be a weekend full of food and alcohol.... again. Yes, I can watch my intake of both, but it doesn't seem to matter on Monday when I step on the scale.
Completely whiny blog, but I just needed to get it off my chest. Not a lot of people read them anyways, so whatever.