Tuesday, August 06, 2013
I realized Sunday night that even though I was tracking ahead of time, I recently started "cheating" on my trackers. And not changing them.
For example I'd be having a treat and saying "ah F it I'm not tracking it", or not following my plan at all and not bothering changing it. I don't know if it's out of laziness or fear of results - probably the latest - but what's the purpose of tracking if it's not even right?
So, Sunday night I had chips; I added them to my tracker. Yesterday, I had a few crackers before dinner (I was starving and couldn't wait for 6:30 until the boyfriend gets home), and popcorn in the evening; I added those. I even had two extra, unnecessary brownies, and added them.
Result: way too much of everything, especially fat. Of course I KNEW I was having too much whenever I "cheated" - after all when I track in advance on Saturdays or Sundays, for the whole week, it's to be well prepared, know what I'm gonna eat, but the most important reason, make sure I have enough of everything, and not too much.
But there's a difference between being slightly aware and seeing it on my screen. This was reality, but at least I didn't binge. I didn't have a ton of popcorn (two cups with a little bit of spray-on olive oil, not butter; I know it sounds weird but it's delicious, after all fat is fat), I only had two brownies, and I used a bowl to measure the crackers before eating them, instead of bringing the bag with me in front of the computer like I usually do.
So I DID go overboard, bit not a ton. About 400 extra calories (so it was probably just not a deficit day), 22 extra carbs and 6 extra proteins (I don't really mind those); the problem is with fat as I had 41 extras. For some reason all the meals I'd planned this week have more fat than usual and it's hard to adjust; add the brownies and popcorn and I'm way over my limit.
But it happens. And today's a new day.
I don't know if it's because I'm about to get my period, but I'm raging hungry (and plain raging) these days. Even if I drink a ton of water I still feel true hunger. I try eating a little but when I feel hunger that way it's hard to make good choices and I often end up eating what I ate yesterday; crackers, popcorn, brownies. Stuff that will make me feel full, quickly. But it didn't even work. I'm still very hungry today. I just had breakfast, my tall glass of water is almost empty but hunger is still there. I haven't had my chocolate soy milk yet, so I'll see after that.
I think that the abuses I make on the weekends are surely not helping. It took me a LOT of time to get adjusted to a 1500-1800 calories planning, but I finally did it, and spent at least two weeks not being constantly hungry, and feeling content most of the time with what I ate, while still being able to treat myself to a small dessert or outing from time to time. But ever since I moved to this new apartment a month ago, and even a week after that, it's like I pushed everything away: planning, exercise, everything. Which sucks, because I was doing damn fine right before. But it's hard to come back after a crash, so I'm trying my best and taking it a day at a time.
I skipped jogging this morning - I had a 2-minutes self talk when I woke up at 5:30, hahaha. I decided to go tonight instead, because my bed was too comfortable, and I was hungry; I hate running hungry as I get bad cramps and it's generally very bad runs. It was a conscious choice, so I don't mind, and I won't be tempted to skip it tonight too. In fact, I really wanna go run now. I think moving my alarm clock away from the bedside table is one of the best moves I've done in my life, LOL. Now I actually gotta get up on my feet and put it off before going back to sleep, and the actual going back to sleep now rarely happens.
I've also started strenght training in the morning again. I didn't feel like going back to a gym anymore; I think the problem I had before was not renewing my programs often enough, since I get bored really easily with a training program. So far I like this one, since it's longer than the ones I used to do (I use the workout generator), and more challenging. I'm less tempted to skip a move just because I don't like it. And when it's time to change the program I'll know, and do it right away instead of just stopping everything.
It's a matter of will. I decided, this week, to just track everything I eat without really looking at the numbers, and then analyze at the end of the week. I'm going to a friend's hometown Friday and only coming back Sunday; I know it'll be hard to exercise (I may be able to squeeze a jog Saturday morning when she's still sleeping) and even harder to eat well, but I think I can do this. We'll obviously be going out, but since I'll be leaving the day after, it's a good excuse to not abuse alcohol at all. Just a few drinks.
One day at a time. I think one of my main problems is wanting to change everything at the same time, and to give up when I don't do perfect right away. Like most people. Hey, at least I'm still here, and still putting in the efforts.
On a last positive note, my boyfriend is getting his orthotics for his feet today. Which means we can run together tonight, and start training together!!! He couldn't run before because he tried ONCE with me and ended up in pain for the three next days... but this is supposed to fix the problem. YAY! I usually really dislike having a running buddy, but I think it's gonna be different with him since we're about the same level of fitness and same speed. :)