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Can't Stop Torturing myself about my Weight

Monday, August 05, 2013

I am still incredibly obsessed with my fat stomach and the fact that I am still obese. I am not able to get my dictator/restrictor in gear and "diet down."

I know that I need to proceed with loving kindness, but I also feel that I just want my stomach to be smaller and to have all the pants fit. I came across two pictures today which were taken before my weight loss which started 4.5 years ago. I clearly am so physically different, but emotionally so much the same.


That's me on the right taking up half of the love seat and the three others the rest;-)


There I am on the left in DUMBO Brooklyn.


And here I am two years into my weight loss...at the same weight I am at now.
I overall eat healthier, move more and no longer have the high blood pressure I had when I was at 285lbs. I am doing emotional work, but yet my mind is constantly focused on my stomach and that I want to lose more weight. I know that it is most likely not about the weight, but I wanted to do this blog to see that I am physically and energetically in a much better place.

I just want to find peace. And I am not going to stop;-)
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TERRY0217 8/7/2013 6:41AM

    You're doing such a great job...please stop beating yourself up...don't look at what you need to do yet, look at how far you've already come! Be kind to yourself and you can move mountains!
Best of luck to you

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HAZELFRUIT 8/6/2013 2:02PM

    This is a great issue to think about. Everyone says you have to learn to love yourself no matter what, and I have trouble with that. I know I will never look like I did at 20. Funny thing is, I thought I was fat then! Wasn't skinny but was NOT fat. Good luck and congrats on how far you've come. (You look fantastic.)
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WATERMELLEN 8/5/2013 5:02PM

    Big big change -- not just in weight/body size but the way you hold yourself, your self-confidence. That's what you're projecting and yup I know it's harder to feel it all the time: but it's there.

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FITFRIT 8/5/2013 4:25PM

    Peace isn't going to come as the weight falls off, you have to find it within. My mother has lost well over 100 lbs and wears women's mediums but still OBSESSES because she doesn't weigh what she did in high school. She is still overweight to the point of being obese according to her bmi but she wears a MEDIUM! It is very frustrating when I am obese and very close to being morbidly obese and she's over here complaining about being overweight. It's a struggle for each of us, a personal one that is different for everyone. Find some peace within and then the weight won't matter as much as the person you see inside.

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DDOORN 8/5/2013 3:32PM

    Having similar struggles here, eating healthy, but overall not healthy enough to get to a weight which I can accept. Like you, I am WAY better than back in the bad old days...but still not happy either. Trying to build into my lifestyle mantras about being good enough and special just as I am but it is constant battle overcoming old, pervasive messages and negative self-talk.

Don

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PRNCSRIAH 8/5/2013 3:10PM

    You look great!

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AJB121299 8/5/2013 3:06PM

    great job

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