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    KING_SLAYER   55,849
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Wk 121 Weigh In

Saturday, August 03, 2013

Just so disappointed in myself this week. I was doing pretty well all week but ended up having some pizza on Friday night which killed any chance for a loss for the week. There was no good reason for it either, I wasn't out with friends, enjoying myself, nothing like that. It was here at home, I was hungry and it smelled so damn good. It wasn't worth it though.

Weight : 210.8
Gain : 0.2
Total : 106.4

It was only a gain of 0.2, but still it was a gain during a week in which I was really looking forward to a loss of 1.0 or more to make up for the gain from last week. Like I said, I'm just disappointed with myself for making such a mistake on what should have been a very elementary decision; to not have sodium heavy pizza the night before I weigh in.

I believe that I'm a self saboteur, I have gotten within 2 lbs of my goal then fallen back away again several times. I'm within arms length of reaching that initial, abstract goal, yet I can't reach it and I seem to keep on doing the same things. Insanity perhaps? As I look around at myself and my life, I seem to sabotage more than just this. I can't remember the last time that I was happy. I have felt happiness, I have smiled and had fun, but those times are always fleeting, short lived. I can't remember the last time that I just smiled a real smile out of happiness and contentment.

I don't want to write anymore on this right now. Please know, I'm not looking for pity or Dr. Phil type advice. This is a place whee I can be honest and open, maybe the only place that I can do that.

Ken Heaston
Since 1970
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TEACHFIRST268 8/7/2013 9:12PM

    In my own way I completely 'get' this. No wise words to offer here...just understanding.

We're all responsible for our own happiness. But damn, sometimes it's just so much ****ing work!
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CLPURNELL 8/6/2013 11:19PM

    Ken,

I know its frustrating but you are fighting the good fight. You know the weight loss thing you know what to do. I have no advice whatsoever to give you on that. Figure out the happiness thing. Figure out what is preventing it and attack it like you did that 106 extra pounds. You can do it Brother!!! I have all of the faith in the world in you!

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RIBKNIT 8/6/2013 1:51PM

    Another wonderfully honest blog; thank you. I have not been happy for a while either and the scale shows it.. Writing about things, like you have done here, is one way to get to the bottom of things. I am trying to do the same. Good luck to both of us!

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KWING517 8/6/2013 12:42PM

    Oh, I SO hear what you're saying!!! I'm litterally 2 pounds away from "normal" - JUST 2!!! I have stayed those 2 pounds away since APRIL 1st!! I have a really good week, work really hard at watching EVERYTHING I eat, then, bam! the weekend hits and we go out for 'half-off' appetizers at Applebees, then waffles for lunch on Sunday at mom & dads, cuz seriously, WHO turns down homemade Belgian waffles???

I go up a pound or two, then freak out and come back down to the same spot, no lower! It feels like I'll never get to my goal, and I know I'm the only one who controls it, so it must be me sabotaging myself! UGH!!

Ok, I feel better now. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. I hope we BOTH have a much better week this week :)

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WILDKAT781 8/4/2013 2:09PM

    No pity here - just a friendly hug to let you know you are not alone in the pizza world!

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MARYDSAN 8/4/2013 10:04AM

    My first guess (before I got to that point of your post) was the sodium in the pizza causing water retention. I think we all have points where we are in a self destruct mode and are clueless as to why. Have a good week next week! I will be leaving for home on Thursday and lose more than a whole day due to the long flight+the 15 time zones we will cross. Not sure what that will do to my system and water retention and the like.

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RUSSELL1960 8/4/2013 7:56AM

    I think all of us have the saboteur living within us. I"ve certainly had my own disappointing "why did I do that" pizza binges. I think it's important to keep perspective. Obviously, the athlete in you is in control most of the time. Otherwise you wouldn't be this close to meeting your goal. Your high level of frustration shows that you have a lot of energy within you to accomplish your goal. So that's great! Your saboteur might lose some of his power if you would see what he wants and perhaps plan to let let him have his way occasionally - within your calorie range. You could plan your calories to include some pizza once a week or so. I include a little chocolate in my diet (that's my weakness - I found that a dark chocolate hershey kiss is only 22 calories so I have one almost every day). Second, follow the spark people principal of getting immediately back on the wagon when you fall off. It works. Finally, if there was a lot of salt in that pizza, you may have lost weight in spite of the pizza - because salt would have caused your body to retain water. Oh, one more thing. I've learned to make "pizza" by broiling eggplant slices to use for the "crust" then piling on tomatoes, peppers, herbs, and onions with mozzarella cheese. It's pretty good and is a low calorie, low fat alternative to pizza. I'm rambling but I really identified with your frustration. Best wishes. You will get there!


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_BABE_ 8/4/2013 2:30AM

    Are you a self saboteur too? Funny, I haven't seen you at any of the meetings.

I think you have done so well and that you really are a success story Ken. If you want to get below 200 pounds you can and you will!!!
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TIGER_LILY_613 8/4/2013 1:10AM

    If you like pizza, instead of cutting it out of your life completely, or beating yourself up whenever you have any, how about making a new rule about it ? Like,

- "OK, I can have a slice of pizza, but only after I've had all my healthy meals for the day. If I am still hungry, then I'll have a slice"

- "I'll have a slice of pizza only with friends. But I will eat a healthy meal before they arrive so that I don't go overboard"

- "I can have a slice of pizza once a month, as a treat. I'll plan for it".

Making rules like this and sticking to them would take practice, so don't beat yourself up if you fail the first time. As the coaches say, "Aim for progress, not perfection"

I don't think you're a self saboteur. I think you're just human :-)

However if you really think that you're holding yourself back, take a minute to ask yourself why. It might be tough to do. Sometimes, reaching your goal could be scary for some reason. Is there something about reaching your goal that concerns you? If so, try to lay down a plan for what happens next. That may ease the anxiety.

Wishing you success.


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SIMONEKP 8/4/2013 12:34AM

    Well, now you have a recent reminder to not eat pizza next Friday. As to the rest, you've been such a great spark friend so all I'm going to say is emoticon

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MELIS_24 8/3/2013 11:30PM

    To get around the self sabotage thing, which I think we've all done, maybe you should just decide your already at you goal weight. Don't weight yourself for a couple of weeks, just try to eat as well as you can everyday and exercise 5 day a week. Log everything but just try not to think about the number on the scale. Just make the best decisions each day. Not sure if it will work or not but maybe worth a try?

Hang in there.

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KING_SLAYER 8/3/2013 11:02PM

    Thank you CAROL494 for stopping by :)

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FIREFLY4407 8/3/2013 10:58PM

    If you figure out the self sabatoge thing, please share. I have the this same problem. Get very close to goal, and then power eat myself right back up. So annoying... Now I'm just trying to focus on smaller swings, sort of the two steps forward one step back approach. Lose some, gain a little back, lose some more, etc. to hopefully get down to my goal. Definitely not a straight line. But by keeping the self sabatoge swings somewhat in check when they inevitable happen, I hope to get there in spite of them...
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CAROL494 8/3/2013 10:15PM

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DOVESEYES 8/3/2013 10:12PM

    Monday is a new day with new promise. I love how part of our journey is not just eating or not eating, it's working out who we are and what we want.
I'm here to listen, so spill any time...:)

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