Saturday, August 03, 2013
Just so disappointed in myself this week. I was doing pretty well all week but ended up having some pizza on Friday night which killed any chance for a loss for the week. There was no good reason for it either, I wasn't out with friends, enjoying myself, nothing like that. It was here at home, I was hungry and it smelled so damn good. It wasn't worth it though.
Weight : 210.8
Gain : 0.2
Total : 106.4
It was only a gain of 0.2, but still it was a gain during a week in which I was really looking forward to a loss of 1.0 or more to make up for the gain from last week. Like I said, I'm just disappointed with myself for making such a mistake on what should have been a very elementary decision; to not have sodium heavy pizza the night before I weigh in.
I believe that I'm a self saboteur, I have gotten within 2 lbs of my goal then fallen back away again several times. I'm within arms length of reaching that initial, abstract goal, yet I can't reach it and I seem to keep on doing the same things. Insanity perhaps? As I look around at myself and my life, I seem to sabotage more than just this. I can't remember the last time that I was happy. I have felt happiness, I have smiled and had fun, but those times are always fleeting, short lived. I can't remember the last time that I just smiled a real smile out of happiness and contentment.
I don't want to write anymore on this right now. Please know, I'm not looking for pity or Dr. Phil type advice. This is a place whee I can be honest and open, maybe the only place that I can do that.