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Dealing With Telemarketers

Saturday, August 03, 2013

If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

If they start out with, “How are you today?” say, “I’m so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . “

If they say they’re John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

(This works great if you are male) Telemarketer: “Hi, my name is Judy and I’m with XYZ Company. ” You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, “What are you wearing?”

Cry out in surprise, “Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?” Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

Say “No” over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, “I don’t have any friends, would you be my friend?”

If the company cleans rugs, respond: “Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?”

After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can’t just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

If the Telemarketer is selling raffle tickets, tell him or her that you work for the same company, and that employees cannot participate.

Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, “OH MY GOSH!” and then hang up.

Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask if he/she will give you their home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, “I guess you don’t want anyone bothering you at home, right?” The Telemarketer will agree and you say, “Me either!” and proceed to hang up.

Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation. For added effect, clanging of cutlery and dishes is recommended.

Tell the Telemarketer you are on “home incarceration” and ask if they could bring you some beer.

Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

Tell the Telemarketer, “Okay, I’ll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I’m not wearing any clothes.”

Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. “Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how’s your momma?”

Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up… louder… louder!

Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.

Member Comments About This Blog Post:

    You have some great ideas there.
That should stop them telemarketers!!

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LADYIRISH317 8/4/2013 10:22PM

    I'm an old poop -- I just hang up. Funny post, though!

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DALID414 8/4/2013 5:53PM


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1GR8FULGAL 8/3/2013 9:23PM

    My dad's friend used to REALLY mess with 'em when they called him from a competitor's company. He'd tie them up FOREVER!!! He'd tell them that he gets a certain deal and can they beat it; all kinds of goofy things to keep them from calling real customers!! This is too funny!!!

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PDSLIM 8/3/2013 5:51PM

    Great ideas

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MARYB73 8/3/2013 5:44PM

    Our son-in-law has been doing this for years. I just hang up.

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COLLEENROSTE 8/3/2013 5:13PM

    so much fun........I've also heard that if you hang up when you are in the middle of a sentence to them they will figure something is wrong with the line.
In Canada we have the "Do Not Call" registry-effective for telemarketers-they can be fined if they call a registered number; unfortunately it doesn't apply to political campaigners- during the last election we stopped answering our phone altogether

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JTREMBATH 8/3/2013 3:15PM

    I hate tellimarketers I normally hang up in there ears.

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KACAR51 8/3/2013 2:42PM

    emoticon Do you have any for bill collectors? emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 8/3/2013 2:43:36 PM

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STEVEN_D 8/3/2013 2:16PM

    Ha that's funny. You must be retired to be able to enjoy so much fun time harrassing them. I just hang up

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WOUBBIE 8/3/2013 2:15PM

    Love all of these!

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ECONLADY 8/3/2013 2:07PM

    emoticon LOL!!!

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