Friday, August 02, 2013
I think my sil sent this to me, I am thankful my faith is not wavering! God is so faithful and good!
I chose to not let my grief overcome me yesterday. I went and picked up my granddaughter, Ana and we baked all day and crocheted a bit. I caught myself twice saying, "I will take some of these to great-papa".. then I remembered. I needed the day with unconditional love and activity. I took it!
I have lost track of my days on my journey and have not exercised in over a week... my goal is get back on track asap. I used to get up and start my day with spark, email and checking my to do list for dad every morning - now I am creating a new routine - I MISS checking and doing things for dad. I need to fill this gap - now and get into a new routine - nothing will ever replace dad, but I must replace the routine of "doing".
My mom stopped doing things for dad about 4 years ago, yes, she still cooked and did his laundry, but other than that - she did not want to do more and chose to not do more. I was his main caretaker, my sister did his finances and my brother would visit often and do what he could. I helped my mom too. She had her knee replacement surgery - I became her main caretaker during her 2 month recovery. Being a full time student this was a challenge but I did it. At any rate - mom was here two nights ago and gave me all kinds of grief about my dad having legal documents changed to fullfill what he wanted when he passed, I kept my promise and fullfilled his wishes. Mom pushed, I pushed back! (not physically - but emotionally) I said some things I have never said to my mother, God forgive me. I do not ever disrespect my mother - ever, no matter how I feel about things she said or did to my father - that was their marriage and their business. Heck I never disrespected her when she would say the worst things to me; not that I was a doormat, but I just let her know she cannot talk to me that way and I would leave. Sometimes, we would have cross-words, but never have I ever spoken to my mother as I did the other night.
What is done is done. I chose to take the day yesterday and I did.
Today I have to go work on dad's room. It has been a process the last three months with him in the nursing home, but there are still some things to do. It will hard but I will try to stay strong.
On a positive note: my neice came in from England yesterday and is staying with my brother in my backyard in his camper. She is here for two weeks.
Have a blessed day!