Thursday, August 01, 2013
I joined the Spark Community online last spring, and promptly did nothing at all after a couple of stabs at tracking my food intake. I'm of the generation that didn't grow up "blogging" or using a computer to journal my thoughts. Paper and pen are much more natural and comfortable, for me! So, having almost immediately "fallen away" from SparkPeople, I resumed my long-standing search for THE diet, THE food plan, THE guru or book or magic that would finally put me on the path to curing my insanity around food.
Living in denial about my issues with not only overeating but self-esteem, people-pleasing and host of other "insanities" that I try to solve with food just wasn't working for me anymore.
So, lo and behold, I found a 12-step program called "FA" for short (Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous...ain't that a mouthful?). I was SO desperate to find my holy grail of weight loss, that I was willing to try almost anything. I lasted all of 3 days with FA. Their program is rigid and extremely controlled by the "sponsor" assigned to each person. The food intake you are given is limited in calories, one-size-fits-all, and is composed of mostly vegetables (healthy, but not very filling) and meat; and absolutely prohibited are any forms of flour (all breads, crackers, etc.) and sugars. Forever. Period. You can't eat that again, for the rest of your life.
The fact I even TRIED to make myself follow such a program is a measure of how desperate I am to get RID of this excess baggage of mine.
However, as I've grown older I've come to appreciate that even in what may seem like the most useless and foolish endeavors, some crumbs of truth or inspiration might be found! I left FA, but took from it: the truth that, FOR ME, eating 3 meals and only 3 meals a day is helpful in controlling my food intake; that I do need to eat balanced meals, and include plenty of vegetables; that weighing and/or measuring my food is essential for me to know how many calories I'm really consuming; and finally, that exploring the emotional and spiritual side of why I got fat in the first place need to be a part of my plan for change.
Sometimes you have to go back, to go forward. So, here I am, back with all you SparkPeople! And I believe my insanity CAN be cured.