There I said it. I'm always going to be fat.
Now, don't take this the wrong way... I'm not. This is a body acceptance post.
I am not going to ever become a Fitspo poster model. It is not in my genes. At all... Besides, have you read this?
Also todayís Spark Blog post is great: www.sparkpeople.com/blog
What I realized last night falling asleep is that no matter how hard I work out or how many calories I cut = I will be fat. I have come to the conclusion that my definition of fat and societies definition of fat are vastly different. Heck a womanís ideal and a manís ideal are really different. I may think I want to be a size 4/6, but according to my man as long as I have a good butt he doesnít really care, and he thinks Iím already at a great size.
The other day we were joking about my butt. Now, I have a big a$$. Its in my genes. My sister is 5í4Ē and petite... with a booty. She has to buy all of her pants a size up, and tailor the waist down. So even if I do drop those last 20 pounds that I feel I need to, I will still probably have a rather large asset following me. And you know what. Thatís okay. According to my guy, thatís a necessity. If I start getting to skinny, heíll make sure I eat enough to get my booty back. So how many fitness pictures do we see of real women working out? Especially women with butts? I know, squat centric posts, and ďget that bikini bottom readyĒ workout posts try, but no one has a butt as big as mine. Iím embracing my butt. Its fat. Its also awesome. I almost have to take a page outta the Real Housewives of Atlanta to try to describe it. TJ and I have agreed, its not really a donkey booty, or a shelf booty, so its most likely a stallion booty... haha... such a silly conversation to have with your boyfriend! What it made me realize is that yes, I am not societies conventional ďfitĒ body type. I am my own body type and that type is awesome and perfect for my life.
Thatís not to say I donít like certain parts. I struggled with my arms my entire life. They were always massive. I shelled out $6k last year to have my surgery done to remove excess skin. It was worth it. It was painful, but I donít regret it. Now hereís the kicker... I STILL HAVE FAT ARMS! But you know what. Thatís okay. My arms still jiggle. Thereís no batwings, but I wonít really ever get ďthinĒ arms. Its 100% not in my genes. Today though, I am wearing a ladies cut t-shirt, you know the kind with the super short sleeves that donít really count? So yea. I am embracing my arms. Thereís some post surgery pics here: imgur.com/a/YdhoK
I carry most of my weight in my hips/butt and arms, but I still have a very defined waist. Itís a blessing. It helps me to dress nicely. I can flatter my shape and hide everything (or accentuate) as needed. My older sister is basically the same weight I am, BUT she has skinny arms and legs and carries her weight in the middle. So she has a vastly different body shape, a larger pant size, and a worse body image. But the key thing here is WE ARE THE SAME WEIGHT.
Weight does not matter. The number on the scale does not matter. Its your shape and your tone. So even though for the longest time I thought I would magically look amazing at 170... the truth is I wonít look that much different at 170... I may lose 20# and not drop a jean size. Seriously. If I lose 20# it will probably come off my arms (at most 0.5# each) and hips. My ribs are sticking out at 190 because Iím 5í10Ē with a large frame. Donít compare yourself to me... Donít compare yourself to others... Only compare yourself with the girl in the mirror.
I still have fat days, I still have days where I wish I could just suck fat out of certain parts of my body, but on the whole I am not unhappy with my shape. I did recently gain a bit of weight, but more importantly I lost muscle. I felt puffy and outta shape. In six weeks Iíve gotten more comfortable and even though I dropped only 6-8# depending on water weight, I feel better. And thatís the important part = feeling good and healthy and strong. Iím not going to beat myself up for not losing more weight or not being a certain weight. I am going to keep working, eating healthy, and striving to be happy with myself and my accomplishments.
Case in point... my boyfriend just sent me this (he's a keeper!) :