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Would You Tell Your Best Friend Her Stomach Is Disgusting?

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

I like to read a lot of different websites, from the ridiculous Hollywood gossip to literary to everything in between.

I found this great article today on, and while I wouldn't tell someone to SHUT UP about talking about how much their body sucks, I kind of agree that this way women bond is toxic and unhelpful.

"The effect negative self-talk has on us over time is so obviously corrosive that I think it should be treated as any other wildly unhealthy habit. We take great pains to hide so many self-destructive behaviors (eating disorders, drug addictions, self injury, etc) but this one is not only accepted but often encouraged by our peers."

I say all kinds of horrible stuff about my body, and as of RIGHT NOW, I'm not saying it out loud anymore. I'm going to try to stop thinking like it too, but BABY STEPS.

I already know I can't HATE myself into changing, I'll only rebel and self-sabotage which will fuel more self-hate.

Practicing radical self-acceptance means that I accept myself 100% right now, an aging fat woman with inconsistent effort at living a healthy lifestyle. I am not waiting to be the right weight or shape to accept myself. Does this mean I'm going to not make efforts to be healthy, strong and fit? Heck no! I'm not accepting myself so I can let myself off the hook and go to town on oreos.

I'm accepting myself so I DON'T go to town on oreos.

Acceptance is the kindest most compassionate thing we can give other people -- so many of my friends told me that one of the things they love about me is that I just take them as they are, warts and all, and love them and tell them they're okay. Don't I deserve this from myself, too??

So for today, as I try to create healthier habits and let go of self-destructive behavior, I also promise myself to let go of the self-destructive behavior of talking smack about my body. I'm a work in progress, and this journey is about progress, not perfection.

This body does amazing things: it makes music, it loves, it dances, it breathes without me thinking about it, it craves red meat sometimes, and it is round and soft and jiggly and has hairy big toe knuckles and blonde eyelashes. It loves being in the ocean. It moves to music without even thinking about it. It's pretty awesome.

If I were talking to my best friend, I would never say, "OMG your thighs are the size of an elephant's and your ass is huge and you look like the Buddha and your backfat needs a B-cup bra and let's name your lower abdominal roll of fat "The Awning" because everything under it is in the shade!" I have said all of this stuff to myself or to others in a joking manner as a knee-jerk defensive maneuver. I am such a Mean Girl to myself!

Not today. Not anymore.

I may still think it, but I'm not going to say it out loud anymore, I'm not going to make it okay to joke about my body, I'm just taking my body out of possible topics of conversation.

There are so many more interesting things to talk about! Like Argan Oil!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thank you!
    1179 days ago
    Powerful words!! Thank you.
    1180 days ago
    Powerful words!! Thank you.
    1180 days ago
    Ive just started a five month program of mental mtraining, it will be so interesting to see how much I can change my negative thoughts about myself.
    1181 days ago
    So true, so true. I am working on being my own cheering section without the need for affirmation from others.

    It wasn't that long ago a co-worker pulled me aside to ask me "what happened" and to try to force me on the scale as some type of tactic to embarrass me about the weight I gained. I soundly cursed him out. We no longer speak.

    As I get older, the only one I should be appreciative is myself!
    1181 days ago
  • NEWSGIRL2177
    Such a great message! It's tough to stop talking about yourself like this when it seems to come so naturally. About a year ago, I decided I was going to stop every negative thought/statement about myself as soon as I noticed it. The first few weeks, it's all I did! haha It was not easy, but eventually, those thoughts didn't come immediately. I didn't exactly replace them with positive thoughts/statements, but I felt so much better in general! Just by not beating myself up over decisions or how I looked in an outfit, etc. It really does affect more than you think.
    Can't wait to hear how this goes for you!
    1181 days ago
    "I am not waiting to be the right weight or shape to accept myself."

    I absolutely adore everything about this blog post, but this one line in particular really REALLY stands out! I definitely had to "fall in love" with my body before I could really enact change. When all I wanted was to be a size X or just get some short term goal, I didn't see any change.

    While I didn't like my laziness and lack of motivation when I was heavier ("Ah, it's too hard to make a healthy meal, let's get Papa Murphy's!"), I did learn to accept myself for what I was. And with losing weight, I realize that I will always have flaws - flabby arms or a jiggly stomach or weird toothy grins - and I am totally OK with that.

    Thanks for a wonderful, inspirational post!!
    1181 days ago
    emoticon article!
    1181 days ago
    Compassion is very, very rarely wasted. Especially towards oneself.
    1181 days ago
  • KJACOBS1111
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1181 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/31/2013 3:06:42 PM
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