Wednesday, July 31, 2013
So I have fallen off the horse and even been dragged a little behind him as he galloped away (have not consistently exercised, eaten well, logged into sparks for over a month now). The horse I am talking about is the one I was riding to a healthier me. LOL
This blog is in no way a "beat myself up" one because I am fine with my decision. It was, in fact, a decision, that I chose to make. I saw myself slipping. I wanted to hold on tighter. I felt myself falling. I wanted wrap the rope tighter. But when I fell, I fell and just laid there. I enjoyed laying there looking up at the sky and all the things that come along with being off the horse.
And don't pretend you don't know what I am talking about. Anyone who has made a decision to stay on the horse knows it's not an easy road. They know that laying on the ground feels good in it's own way. No discipline, no accountability, no deprivation. IT FELT GOOD!!!!
But that high is only a temporary one because as you lay on the ground you start to realize all those other things that are coming along with falling off and staying there laying on the ground. Wow, my back is starting to hurt a little more... it's not as easy for me to rise up some.... that goal that I was moving towards is still in the same spot, not closer.. is that my heartburn coming back... my sugar levels have been more elevated...all those reality things.
Well, I am up (well actually enjoying my last day of laying) mentally because I know what is ahead. I greet it and welcome it and I am ready to get back on the horse. We have a horse ride leaving first thing tomorrow.
The horse ride to a healthier life is not like a ride at the amusement park, six flags or the carnival. It's a ride that never ends. I have been on mine for a while now and have learned so much, enjoyed so much, fallen off so much but I will never say that I am done. All the things that have made this my lifestyle are always there. (thank GOD)... While I lay there on my back looking up at the sky, I know that even in that moment, they are gone but never forgotten #weighthasbeenmaintained.