Wednesday, July 31, 2013
I woke up at 2:30 and have nothing on my mind, except maybe the end of my summer break. I went to school for about 5 hours yesterday and my room is a big mess right now. I cannot move boxes and things by myself, so I muddled around doing a little of this and a little of that, accomplishing nothing significant. I am going to need a lot of help and quite honestly, I really, really hate that. I like to take care of my own needs and I just can't quite get past that independence.
Here's the bigger problem, I almost fell trying to crawl around all of the things the custodians moved to clean the carpet and wax the tile part of the floor. I caught myself at the last moment and stayed upright at the expense of my shoulder to a point. It was tricky, because I had a moment to make the choice to use my arm or not. I decided that it would have hurt me more to fall all the way rather than to use my arm. Not a nice choice by any stretch of the imagination. Tomorrow will be a work day for us, so I hope to get some of my kids in to help me with my room and the mess.
I fell asleep without finishing my dinner last night when my pain finally got a bit more controlled, but as soon as the meds wore off, I was wide awake and in trouble again. I haven't had this level of pain in a long time and I really hate it, waking up in agony is not a good way to manage anything. Physical therapy leaves me hurting more than not--although the therapist I have is the guy in charge and he is so proud of the fact that my arm goes all of the way to 100 right now. I wonder if he needs to understand that it is torturing me. I can bite my lip and get through it, but should I be doing that?
It's week is going to be tough, but I know I'll muddle through. I just didn't expect this level of turmoil. I was expecting a new world that left me a lot more independent and pain-free. I have a ways to go for all of that.
Meetings today, then I have to leave early for my annual cardiologist visit. It's has been a waste of time for the last three years, because he cannot find anything that I really need. However, since I had congestive heart failure in 2005-06, he insists on these appointments.
Take care today... So much to get done in my world, that I need you to take a break for me both physically nd emotionally!