Tuesday, July 30, 2013
I've quit taking my mood stabilizing and anti depressant medication. I don't want to need them anymore. I've seen a therapist and now I'm doing my homework. I'm going out, I'm doing things with people in social settings. I'm expanding my comfort zone and I'm growing! I'm getting to know myself through this process of uncomfortableness and I'm discovering life! All sides of it, unmasked.
My father is going to have lung surgery on August 14. They did a bone test on him because they think his cancer is connected to one of his ribs. We are still waiting for the results. If cancer is connected to the bone then they will have to remove the rib.
I haven't spoken to my mother or my brother in over 5 years. You guys know my dad has lung cancer and if you don't know already I've got an extremely strained relationship with my mother. Both of my parents are divorced. They separated when I was 18.
My father has not spoken to my brother for almost the same amount of time as me. When my parents split we all divided onto sides. Now that he is sick I feel like it is my job to be the messenger. I know my dad would love to hear his voice because he has extinguished every avenue short of calling mother to get in contact with him. This afternoon I did the unthinkable. I called my mothers home phone and I left a message requesting my brothers contact information. I'm nervous to see what she will do with said request. What she does do will speak volumes.
Linda my dad's wife, she is not doing good. She has been in the hospital for over 2 weeks. She has an unidentified fungus in her lung and since they don't know what it is they don't know how to treat it. Therefor Linda is getting a rainbow of different antibiotics and is pretty much just crossing her fingers that it helps.
When I go out and run I meditate and send strength, love, and healing thoughts to their lungs from mine. I'm so h3ll bent on saving my dad in some way that I'm afraid of anything less. If only I could rip open my chest and give him a fresh new lung. I'm prepared. I have a warriors heart and soul. I was built tough, raised strong and made to last. So is my dad and no matter what the circumstance so am I.