A little bit of ranting.
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
I'm kind of in a ranty mood. I kind of have been since yesterday.
They posted the race pictures yesterday afternoon, and I was so disheartened by how I perceived myself in the pictures. I just felt like I looked huge. Like bigger than ever. Maybe I have been lying to myself for the past year about how huge I really look? I really dont like getting my picture taken - I have very minimal pictures of myself. I am just so unhappy with what I see. And I mean, come on. I ran a freakin half marathon. Obviously I'm in some sort of good physical/athletic shape to do that. But yet, I just am so discouraged and frustrated by how I physically look. I know I am still struggling to lose this weight I've gained last year. I looked back at my measurement chart (that hasnt been updated since last July) and I am 6lbs heavier than I was then. Ok, thats not a ton, but that was already 4lbs heavier than I wanted to be. I looked back at my measurements from Dec 2010 when I had what I considered to be the best shape for myself. My inches were much smaller, and I was about 14lbs less than I am now. I know I can get back there again. It such a freakin slow process that one cant help but get discouraged!
So I'm trying to figure out what to do. I'm still marathon training. That is not going to change. And the running is doing good for me. My clothes are fitting better (some of them anyway). My weight is slowly going down too. Also, I took my measurements this morning. Not happy with them, but not as bad as I was expecting either. That's something, right?
I know, I know, I know I need to add in some strength training. It truly helps with changing the shape of your body (which is really my issue). Plus, it will help keep my muscles strong with all of this running. I just never have any desire to do it. It's not exciting or fun for me. It's painfully boring. I have a few different DVDs. JM's 30 Day Shred and Ripped in 30; a Bob Harper dvd; a Jari Love dvd; some 10 Minute Solution bootcamp dvds. Are those dvds going to really help me? Should I suck it up and go to the gym and left heavy objects? I put together my own strength program hitting different body parts, but its all stuff I could do at home with my dumbbells and swiss ball. Is that going to be enough? Or is it just enough that I do something? Doing things like Starting Strength, NROL4W, etc just dont interest me right now. Maybe they will in the future, but not now. So what is going to be the most efficient use of my time, and still be something that I relatively enjoy? Also, based on my training schedule, I really only have Tuesdays and Thursdays to seriously devote to any sort of ST. I really need advice!
I'm also trying something different. I love SP - have for years (which is why I am still here). Last year I switched over to tracking at MyFitnessPal just to give myself a change - a kickstart. Their food tracker is honestly much better than SP's, and so is there App. But I really just dont like it over there. I dont like the people. I feel like the message boards are condescending and rude and snarky. I dont find it supportive like some people do. So I'm switching back to tracking here at SP. I know it will be more time consuming, but this might also cause me to actually be more mindful, which could help in the long run. And I've had success before... I'm also gaining some new SP friends who are in similar weight-loss situations so I feel I'm getting more support here, too. So we'll see how that goes.
On the plus side, I can honestly say I've been much better about eating during the day. I'm not running to the snack bar constantly (working alone, I dont have a snack bar - double win!). But also not bringing in crappy snacks. Making more mindful choices, and since I'm not so miserable at work these days, I dont find myself craving bad foods to make me feel better about a horrible work situation. Night-time snacking continues to be my nemesis. I like an after-dinner snack. But I do get carried overboard. Like I wanted ice cream last night. Instead of eating the suggested serving size of 1/2 cup, I hate the full cup. I wasnt even that hungry! And then I felt guilty. I have to have stronger will-power.
I always think back to 2008 when I first joined SP, I was working out regularly, eating properly, doing what I needed to do. I avoided temptations and had the will-power to say no when needed. Of course, it helped that I lived at my parents' house, my mom cooked healthy dinners every night, and we generally didnt keep crap in the house. Working full time, and getting in my workouts, makes me not want to cook every single night, so I do the batch cook thing, which helps, but I get tired of eating the same things everyday. It's a constant struggle for me. I know the solution is to have more than just 2 meal options for an entire week. J is really good at this - he batch cooks for an entire month, and has like 8 different options. Granted, I guess after a month I'd probably get bored with those 8, too. Back in 2008, I frequently took lean cuisines / healthy choices / smart ones for lunch - I might just start doing that. I know they arent as fantastic as "clean" eating, but I have never declared myself to be a clean eater. I'm much more of an "if it fits your macros" kinda gal. Calories in - vs - calories out, for me.
I know this post is just all over the place. I am really just trying to organize my thoughts.
Some things I've noticed recently are that I'm not reading as much lately; I'm slacking on my craft projects - have three started but havent completed any of them; and I stopped keeping track of daily positives.
I need to get back to reading before bed - it helps me relax at night, and I always tend to sleep better than if I was just sitting up watching tv until bedtime.
I need to get back to crafting. My craft room is kind of a mess again - ok not really. Just one of my desks is full of clutter. I just need to sort it all out and then I can start working up there again.
I really do need to get back to keeping track of daily positives. It helped with my outlook, and I think if I start doing that again, I might start feeling better about myself, too.
So let's recap, shall we?
1) figure out how to add in ST to be efficient and enjoyable
2) start tracking again on SP as opposed to MFP
3) read more at night
4) clean craft room and complete craft projects
5) daily positives
Oh, and also, I'm going to get back to running my other blog. I neglected it for the past few months because I didnt really know what to do with it, but I'm brainstorming ways to get it to what/where I want it to be.