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    BLOOGRL   10,382
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Worries & Stressors

Monday, July 29, 2013

I've binged on food since I was a little kid. Dad used to make fun of me because I use to "sneak" food as he calls it. When he brings it up now in my 20's, it's just embarrassing and shameful to know that people knew. It makes you feel even more ashamed. Over the weekend, I not only binged Friday, and badly, but also Sunday too. Yet Saturday, I was able to get on track from where I was after Friday and even sneak in a mile walk. That's definitely something I need to get back into the habit of - my exercising. I'm 42lbs down. It's the most weight I ever lost in one crack. I can fit into Lane Bryant clothes again...heh. And yesterday my best friend and I went into Dots and I found a dress I liked for work. I love dressing up, but always felt fat or not feminine enough. The dress actually looked nice on me. I couldn't believe I fit into Dots clothes (and they're so reasonably-priced) when they run smaller than Lane Bryant. My biggest dream is to be able to go into any store one day and find clothes I can buy.

There's one thing that keeps running through my mind though - what if I DO lose a ton of weight?...I watched an episode of Dr. Phil last week. It was a repeat. A woman who had lost over 100lbs, ,I believe, was now thin, but constantly ostracized by her P.O.S. long-time "best friend" for having all this extra skin and being "unattractive". He called her stomach a porkrine (sp?) for it not being "pretty". He wouldn't date or commit to her until she fixed it. Dr. Phil ended up setting her up with a highly prestigious plastic surgeon to do skin removal surgery and a lift. She DID look a lot better, but, in the update, she stayed with him. It was sad to me. She was a beautiful person even with the extra skin and she settled for trash who wouldn't give her the time of day emotionally or romantically because he "couldn't get excited" over "a body like that". It disgusted me.

It is a big worry though - I worked my body up into this former gargantuan 336lb+ body (at my peak last year)...and yet...what if I get down far enough...where my skin CAN'T just retract enough because of how big I previously made it? What if it just DOESN'T work like that? I'll just have "wings" forever and extra stomach and thighs? It makes me anxious just thinking about it.

This week - I'm going to commit to walking again. Saturday - at around 4pm, that walk made me forget how starving I felt that I only had had 300 or so calories by that late in the day (which, don't worry, isn't normal for me. I tried a new quickie lean pocket and it was gross so I gave it to the dog LMAO!) I'd like to one day be able to walk more than a mile without sweating and getting all huffy, but for now...it's what I know I CAN do without needing to stop. And the terrain changes to a bit hilly and I know that helps more than walking on completely flat land too.

Well - tune in for more.

-Jessica
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHUBBEGONE28 8/2/2013 8:36PM

    I think the same exact thing about the extra skin after watching the Extreme Makeover Weight Loss show. I chatted with my husband about it and he said that someone who loves you will be incredibly proud of what you've accomplished and that skin is almost like a badge of honor. That's how I look at my c-section scar, too. Something wonderful has left its mark and that's okay...your life has changed for the better. :)

Get your walk on and when you feel like binging or giving up tell yourself, "Think of how you will feel afterwards."

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TRACYDH 8/1/2013 1:10AM

    As I lose the weight I go through phases of feeling amazing and noticing the difference, and then seeing what's left and feeling the pain of that, you know? I think it's very normal. Hopefully you are looking at this like me - it's a lifestyle, not so much a diet, and i'm doing it for me and my health most of all - appearance will be an appreciated bonus but my health and energy level really comes first for me.
Sounds like you've made amazing progress!! Great work :)

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BLOOGRL 7/31/2013 7:34PM

    Thanks for the pep talk/advice, Ali. I do drink 8 glasses of water quite regularly, but sometimes I just find myself losing control here and there. It happens less often than before, naturally, but after those two days, I'm having trouble "bouncing down" on the scale. :( It's bumming me out. My arms have gotten smaller and are more muscular, but I can still see just this...big..WING of fat hanging that desperately needs to leave the bat cave it made a home in. :/

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ALIALI2013 7/31/2013 12:40PM

    Hi, Jessica,

You know, before worrying about what to do, and what if, just think of how much more you'll be able to wear, to do when you reach your goal. The rest will come around, trust me, I've had the flabby arms, belly thing going on for a while, but now that I'm able to lift small weights, I've noticed the fat around my arms decreasing quite a bit.

So perhaps building up muscle in the area will help, I'm not sure, I only know what's happening in my arms, my stomach will come after I lose the weight.

Also, you have to think of how much healthier you'll be, forget all the "what if's" and look for the "I will's", they're much better for you, in every way.

As for "binging", we've all done it, as long as we get right back on that wagon again, we'll be fine. Have you tried the drinking 8 glasses of water technique? I never drank water before but now I do and love it. (Believe me, no one can believe I'm doing that now) and it does help you fill up.

Also, the small snacks, if you're using the nutrition area, are great, especially if you have fresh fruit and the likes.

I wish you the best in all you're attempting, and WILL DO, remember, we're all here for you, just ask if you need anything.

I do the monthly "Chat" on the Wisconsin page, that's where I saw your post. Thank you for sharing.

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BLOOGRL 7/29/2013 8:34PM

    Thanks, Steven! :) So you've got a lot of extra abdominal skin? How much did you lose? I'm sure I'll feel the same self-conscious you do.

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STEVEN2GO2 7/29/2013 12:04PM

    Jessica,

CONGRATULATIONS on how far you have come on your journey! I too 'walked off my pounds' and had that extra skin around my stomach. Now that I am at my goal weight,I still am embaressed to take off my shirt because of the extra skin. BUT that is just me being self counsious.

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