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Needing advice: Motivation. Help, please.

Monday, July 29, 2013

I have been struggling with my weight for 12 years now. I have essentially no motivation whatsoever, and I have never, ever felt this way before.

In the past, I have made all kinds of charts, programs, looked at all kinds of websites, before/after pictures, inspirational quotes, watched TV shows that get me more interested in weight loss (Biggest Loser, Ruby, Heavy, etc). I have set up rewards systems, etc. All of these work...for a while.

This time, I know I "need" to do something about my weight...but I just can't seem to get with the program. It's all I think about...all day long...every single day. Yet I can't seem to shake this. I can't seem to get excited about starting over....just can't get my head to get with the program. It's not a depression (because I have plenty of experience with that to know what that is), but in a way it kind of mimics one. I can compare it to a depression because its all-consuming, I can't get rid of it, I feel like it is completely useless. I wonder how many times I have "started over" throughout the years. I've honestly lost track. But when I do get ready to start over, I am READY to start over. This time I just feel so blah about it. I know I'm being ridiculous about it, and whiny and undoubtedly annoying, but I can't help it. It is what it is. It's how I feel. I just feel like...I don't want to be this way, but I don't want to try again, either. It's like there is this overwhelming voice just saying, "Don't'll just fail always do." I keep thinking about this picture I saw a while back. I almost feel like staying fat sometimes. At least I know I'm good at that...wouldn't be failing at anything...or would I? Then I'd be a failure for giving up. I don't know what to do. I just wish I didn't feel like this.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I totally agree with everything "Workoutwithpam" said. Good advice there!

    Also...sometimes you just have to FORCE yourself to do it, even without motivation. After all, you may not feel motivated to get up and go to work in the morning...but you do it anyway, because you have to. You may not feel motivated to brush your teeth, but you do it anyway, because you have to. Think of eating right and exercising that way too. YOU HAVE TO DO IT. Even when you're not motivated. If you push yourself to do it anyway, then eventually it will become a habit, and it will be a little easier to keep doing it. Hang in there!
    1696 days ago
    By looking at your weight tracker on your SparkPage, I se that you have a goal of losing 60 pounds. Try not to think about 60 pounds, think instead of losing 5 pounds. That is a more reasonable goal, and one that you can accomplish. You CAN successfully lose 5 pounds! You WILL NOT fail on your goal to lose 5 pounds. WOOHOO FIVE POUNDS GONE..HISTORY!!!!!! Celebrate, buy yourself something such as a new lipstick or scarf or anything that you've been wanting that doesn't cost a whole lot. Since you've been successful at losing 5 pounds, I'll bet you could lose 5 more. Lose it, WOOHOO, and reward! And on and on it goes, until the entire 60 pounds is gone. YOU CAN DO THIS! Remember to FORGET the 60 pounds and think only of FIVE POUNDS, and you will be on your way.

    1696 days ago
    I know EXACTLY how you feel. I'm 33 and I was at a great weight when I was about 18-21. Boy, did I feel good. I attracted guys, got asked out on dates, was spontaneous, always happy to go out and have a good time, shopping was a thrill, etc. Anything was possible. I felt amazing. So it's basically been 12 years since I felt that way. I met my husband and slowly started gaining weight. I went from 125 to 211 in only a handful of years. Right now I'm at 198.

    For a while, I'd get super motivated. I'd get on the South Beach diet, lose 20 pounds, and then slip back. Then I'd get all invigorated again and start all over. It was almost a high, because I'd anticipate the wonderful compliments and it never really seemed that hard to lose the weight. But every time I'd lose weight, I'd gain it back, plus some.

    Now, I'm almost at my highest weight. My clothes don't fit. I have 2 chins and a big fat layer on the back of my neck. My back has rolls. My legs rub together. I don't even want to think about a spontaneous night out on the town with my friends...all of them looking cute and sexy and me looking like someone off of Honey Boo Boo, wearing the same black shirt and the same shorts because that's all that fits (and actually, those are getting tight, too).

    Yet with all of that...on most days, I JUST. DON'T. CARE.

    I care at night, when I'm so uncomfortable from overeating. I care in the morning before the day has started. But I don't care when they bring pizza in to work, or someone bakes cookies, or I just get a hankering for a chicken queso burrito from Qdoba. I just stuff these things in my face without a MOMENT'S hesitation. I don't care when it's my day off and I just lay around the house watching TV and eating. Today, I have literally been on the couch since 9 am and it is now 9:30 pm. Why? Because I can't seem to find that fire that will make me go with a program and actually stick with it. Not for 2 days. Forever.

    So don't feel bad. I know exactly how you feel.

    Someone's blog that I read had this quote: "If you realized how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought". It really made me stop and think about how negative I am about everything, including this journey. If you look at the people that are succeeding, they post happy, inspiring blogs. They have a zest for life. They go out there and do their 10 minute walk, even if that's all they can muster. They log their food. They have bad days but pick themselves up...and they don't let every day become a bad day. I don't remember the last time I had one, solid good day.

    Anyway. I don't know how to fix it, but know you are not alone. I'm going to add you to my friends list, feel free to add me back. Maybe we can help each other :)
    1696 days ago
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