Sunday, July 28, 2013
I feel completely lost.
I have been following the "Low Amylose" diet for six weeks and have lost almost 15 pounds. I'm over the moon! After trying different approaches for so long, it has been so refreshing to see weight literally fall off of me for the first time EVER. I started this approach because I was 92% positive that I did, indeed, have PCOS and this is the recommended diet for the syndrome. The only thing left was an ultrasound to confirm there are cysts on my ovaries.
The ultrasound technician was a dream to work with, I felt completely comfortable. I asked if she saw anything at all, and she said that there were many small cysts on my ovaries. Instead of feeling upset, I felt relief. FINALLY I knew what was going on. I had a tangible opponent to fight! I had been doing the right things! These hormone irregularities aided in my insulin resistance! I didn't just do this to myself!
The next day, I'm told that my ovaries look fine.
What am I supposed to do with that? How can this be? I don't FEEL RIGHT, and it's not my thyroid, and now it's not PCOS... well what IS it then? Another day crying in the doctor's office trying to get my questions and issues out clearly, but stumbling over myself because I'm emotionally distraught.
I don't FEEL right. "What does that mean? How so?" Valid questions that are nearly impossible to answer when your brain is in overdrive trying to make sense of the contradictory information you've just received. My stomach hurts, I get dizzy, I'm not in control of my emotions. I feel off. I don't feel like myself.
Another battery of tests have been ordered. Now we are looking for signs of Celiac or Chron's Disease. (I don't even think I'd test positively for Celiac if I have it, since I haven't been regularly eating gluten for months, and that contradicts the guidelines for testing!) Internal medicine, endocrinology, OBGYN... more doctors. More stress. And more than anything else, I am terrified that no one will ever figure out what is wrong, or that I'll have to leave the area (and network) to get answers.
Something in me just doesn't quite accept that I don't have PCOS. It's not always an easy thing to diagnose, and symptoms vary. I don't know how else to put it other than a gut feeling, but I just keep thinking that I have way too many of the symptoms, and that there is most certainly a hormonal issue happening.
I just want answers. I want to know that I'm not crazy, that I'm not having psychosomatic symptoms! I want to feel GOOD for a change. I the occasional pity party, but I feel like the last chick at the pity party ball right now. I don't want to be a whiner, and that feels like all I'm doing. Ugh. Am I just getting all the frustrations out of the way now, so that the rest of my life will be smooth sailing? Cause... that would be RAD!
OH, and just for funsies, my body has decided to bless me with an extra period this month. Cause that's EXACTLY what I want and need right now! :P Thanks ovaries.