A lot of things have not been going all that great lately. I am past due to see my doctor for my blood work, so my thyroid is making me tired and moody all the time. I found out I can't go for my master's degree in IO Psychology in this state, so I'll likely have to apply elsewhere even if my husband works here. Things are a bit rocky at my job. I didn't have water for a whole evening at the beginning of the week. I think I won't graduate on time due to a problem with the administration, nothing to do with my grades. I have been on a weight plateau for what feels like forever. However, all of this... doesn't even matter, you know why?
Because yesterday I decided to tighten my laces again. Even if I was practically in tears from work, even if I was so tired I just wanted to melt into my bed and disappear. Even if the last thing I wanted to do was run... I ran.
And I won't ever regret it.
I'm currently on week 7 of C25K. I decided to go run outside instead of on the treadmill at the gym. It's normal for me to switch it up but bad weather has caused me to stay inside more often rather than run outside. For the first time running... I felt absolutely free. I WANTED to keep running, I just wanted to run away... as if I triggered my body's fight or flight response. I can tell you, never in my life have I ever ran a 5k. Never. Well, last night I can tell you I not only ran a 5k non-stop, I ran 4 miles non-stop. And I wanted to keep going, even after these 4 miles. Stopping was not an option. It was an amazing feeling.
My whole bad week, the fact that I have been on a plateau, the fact things are not going peachy in my life, it all absolutely melted away. When I finished I just screamed at the top of my lungs in happiness. I made it! All these weeks of running and strength training have finally paid off. The blood, sweat, tears, sores... None of it matters when you finally get past that point you never thought you would ever be at-- and so soon.
And after all these weeks of my plateau, I weighed in this morning at 171 lbs, the lightest I have been. I think I may have finally broke my plateau.
And I'm ecstatic, but I know it's not the end all be all. It's no longer about wanting to be the prettiest girl in the room. No longer about wanting to be noticed. Ever since I broke my shoulder and had my seizure something changed: I wanted to become faster and stronger. I want to be that person that people say "How do you do that?" to. I want to be the absolute best me I can be, and after that, the weight loss and physical "progress" will soon follow. And if I didn't feel this way, I probably would have reverted to bad eating and no exercise faster than I would be willing to admit.
Clearly 2013 is my year, even with all the bad stuff that has happened. But it is not my year because I will reach my goal weight. It is my year because in 2013, I learned that stopping is not, and will never ever be an option. 2013 is the year I learned that the best thing to ever do for yourself is to keep on keeping on.