Saturday, July 27, 2013
Oh my sugar addiction! Thursday I did give in... but I know it was more an emotional reaction (and kind of amusing but not at the same time). I woke up at 5am to a CRASH as my cat pulled all the items on my dresser to the floor with her (to be fair, I had a piece of fabric running the base of my dresser and her claws to get caught in everything... she was on my dresser drinking from my water glass and I guess got caught as she went to jump down). Broken glass, ceramics, water, other stuff... and my lower back was HURTING so that I could barely bend over or move freely.
Wednesday night had been a sub for the zumba class I love. She did a lot of jumping... and not a lot of latin dance choreography. I've had a slipped disk in my back, jumping can aggravate it, Obviously, I did!
In my slightly pained state and in a mood with a bit of a cloud over my head, I did treat myself to a nonfat latte and a berry scone with white chocolate. Since I had already packed my breakfast I only had a bit of it... and it lasted all day that way, a nice bonus!
I had also been debating going to yoga or not. My studio had a fundraiser on Thursday and extra classes throughout the day. Usually I go to the ashtanga, flow, and vinyasa classes because I love how intense they are but definitely felt not in the mood, so for the first time ever I tried a restorative class... and I loved it! One of the hip openers was the BEST thing I've ever felt for opening my hips! I am going to make a point of one restorative or yin class per week. I also left in a FABULOUS mood... made even better that my sister and her husband had transferred me $50 as an early christmas gift for a new yoga mat (I had told her how my cat was shredding it, I was looking for a new one and found a good deal on kijiji that fell through, and how I hoped there was no glass lodged in my mat from the morning's disaster!).
I bought my mat at the studio on Friday morning. I had been through this talk with one of the instructors before (the man teaching the ashtanga class). I had more questions. He is the one who offered me this sage advice:
As much as we believe we are making a rational decision by weighing all our options and considering alternatives, all that does is labor the process (and potential agony) of making a decision... It is actually our intuition that already knows.
I bought a purple jade harmony mat... and it was slippery on Friday but I'm excited to keep using it!
Now for the sage advice... I was applying it to other aspects of my life. Recently I have been feeling that my boyfriend really doesn't GET me. I just finished my PhD, I took 8 years and of that time, he's only been with me for the past 10 months. I feel like he believes that now that I'm done, I should just move in with him and BE his girlfriend. I react, I didn't spend 8 years of my life working towards one small goal to just do nothing with it. SO my energy and short term plans involve finding a job and feeding my soul (especially through yoga, zumba, and good friends). I think he has felt my pulling away a bit (because I need space to figure this out and work towards it) and has reacted by needing more and forcing the relationship more. We have very different backgrounds, and that is not a total stumbling block, but there has to be that communication to understand where the other has been and where they want to go in life. Very often I doubt that we have the same view of what we want... and it drives me crazy that he doesn't really want to get to know my family nor my friends from before he was in my life (only our mutual friends who introduced us). Anyhow... I started to break up with him last night... but then I retracted. My intuition has been holding me back from going in full... and I don't know why I want to think that MAYBE we can work through this... but I'll try... for a little while at least? I, still, need more space to figure this all out. I don't want to drag him along but I don't want to trap myself. I think I feel what I need to do, am just hesitant to actually fully do it. We'll see how I continue in this.
I went to zumba again this morning... and it was the same sub. My back was quickly on fire. I talked to her after class about it. First, she said I have to modify to keep my feet on the ground and not jump so much. Yes... and then, small world, she used to teach at the yoga studio I went to and was talking to me about how my hip flexors (the front of your hip) are probably shortened due to aerobic activity and she suggested, definitely, more restorative classes. I'm glad I talked to her instead of just stopping going to her classes!
Tonight, after getting some work done (and I meant to vacuum but that would hurt my back so good think I have a rather long broom to get rid of the balls of cat hair in the corners!), I have a dinner date with my boyfriend. I'm entering it with no necessary expectations, just going to enjoy it, hopefully we can keep talking about what we hope for in life, where our happiness comes from, what we need... all those conversations that it seems we've neglected.
I was also going to mention more about sugar... since Thursday I've had no desire or need for it. Funny... I guess it's good to notice that it is not a constant craving and DOES go away!
Have a wonderful weekend, sparkfriends!