Saturday, July 27, 2013
When people have babies, I knit blankets. It's almost a Pavlovian response with me. Oh, your (insert relationship here) is preggers? BLANKET TIME! It's a simple pattern (See Stitch-n-Bitch, "Big Bad Baby Blanket"), it keeps my hands busy, and it takes care of the stitching itch that rears its head every so often. This time around it's my boyfriend's younger sister Samantha who is having another boy. I got my yarn, and I've been steadily stitching for the last few days. I'm about 55 rows in, roughly a third of the way done. Admittedly, I'm not exactly burning calories like whoa when I'm on my ass knitting, but think about it. If both hands are occupied, I haven't a hand left to snack with. ;)
One thing I like to do while knitting/crocheting/cross-stit
ching is catch up on TV. I tend to watch informative shows like Modern Marvels and the like... when it comes to fantasy tv, it's Doctor Who or get out. *lol* Anyway, I discovered there are six or seven episodes of Extreme Weight Loss on On Demand.
Now, for those who haven't heard of this show, it's about people who have hundreds of pounds to lose who contact this personal trainer to be taken on for a year of intense life changes to get down to a decent weight. I'm hooked, and I have no idea why! Anyway, they go through 4 phases, each consisting of 90 days. The first week is boot camp week where they bust ass and learn new eating habits and food prep techniques and such. Then they're released to the wild with a weight loss goal. Phase 2 usually involves some sort of personal crisis that involves intervention, and Phase 3 starts talks of skin removal surgery. The end is a big reveal and final weigh in which usually has the person reaching their goal weight. Like I said, no idea why I'm so fascinated by this show.
So there I am, watching this show, knitting my hands off, and I get to thinking. As of yesterday I was at 170. My ultimate goal is 135. Given my body structure, any smaller would be ridiculous. I'm only 5'3", but I'm muscly and sturdy. Seriously, smaller than 135 would make me look like Skeletor. My mid goal is 150. I've seen 150 once in my adult life... although, to be fair, I was down with mono at the time and because I'd dropped the weight so fast I looked like seven kinds of hell. *lol* The folks on this show are dropping up to 100 pounds in the first three months (137 in one rare case), which made me say to myself, "Self... if these people can bust ass and lose a freakin' HUNDRED pounds in three months, there is absolutely no reason why you can't hit your mid-goal by Halloween, or at least come really damn close to it."
After every row I knit I wanted to jump off the couch and go run. I am NOT a runner. Geez, I am one easily influenced person. Next best thing, walkies with Em. I text Em, she texts back... and out of nowhere it starts raining like a fool. Oh for Bob's sake, what is this mess. *sigh* After the rain stopped, I took out the trash. As I didn't want to be chatted up by a neighbor who was also taking out the trash, I thought I'd run to the dumpster and back. Yeah, remember when I said I wasn't a runner? Still not a runner. I barely made it to the dumpster and back. It's only at the end of the parking lot! Yes, I live on ONE end and the can is at the OTHER, but... Ugh. No stamina whatsoever.
At the beginning, before the boot camp, the trainer, Chris, asks the people he's helping what they want to do, what their goals are, what they see themselves doing... and it's always something about just living life. Keeping up with kids, living longer, doing things they used to enjoy but can't because of the weight... there's usually some noble, touching, emotional reason why they want to lose the weight. So I asked myself, "Self, what 's your reasoning? Why do you want to do this?" And I answered myself, "Y'know, I already do what I want. If I want to go to the beach in a swimsuit, I do. If I want to go run around the park, I do. I don't have sleep apnea, I don't have any seriously pressing health issues that threaten to take me out the game in my middle years... if I'm honest, all my reasons are superficial. I want to buy a sewing pattern and NOT have to enlarge it because it doesn't come in my size. I want to wear a fitted shirt and not look lumpy. I want to not jiggle."
So, while I was knitting, I imagined myself talking to this dude, and trying to come up with a better reason to lose weight, and what I wish to accomplish with my health... and I started snerking like a pervy little fool. One of the things that truly needs work is my stamina. Back in the day, I could go all night. I used to put on my headphones and dance for HOURS into the night. Not because I wanted to be thin, but because I wanted to MOVE. I would ride my bike all day. I would rollerblade up and down the driveway for hours. Nowadays, I can't do that. I CAN walk several miles without stopping, but that's fairly low impact and easy. Em and I can walk and hike from sunup to sundown. Strong legs, man. :) Anyway... the one area where my lack of stamina truly shows is the bedroom. :3 My boyfriend is a Marine, and has enough energy for twelve people. Me? The spirit is willing, but the flesh can't hang. It's become a running joke between us about how easy I wear out. I want to put an end to that. I want more energy, I want more endurance, I want to be able to be able to enjoy any activity without flagging. Imaginging myself explaining this to Chris only to have him giggle himself silly was oddly satisfying. :)
So anyway... I totally borked on the Barre workout I started in my last entry. It really doesnt' help that I bookmarked it on my laptop and had the laptop throw a wobbly, thus losing all access to said bookmarks. I'm working off the Desktop now. :P
I did take my bike out today. Managed to go from the apartment to the end of the riverwalk and back in a little over a half hour. Woo. My two complaints are 1) the blind spots along the path that have high potential for collisions, and 2) my road is so badly patched that riding it KILLS my butt. But I did it. My ankles were covered in hives (thank you, sudden cold snap, for dropping the air temperature and aggravating my skin), my ears were hurting like mad (once again, thanks, cold snap), the muscles at the front of my thighs were aching, and I felt like I couldn't get enough air in my lungs (thanks, asthma!), but I did it. Now to see if I can KEEP doing it. That's the issue.
One thing I was unaware of was that apparently I'm supposed to have a little voice in my head telling me that i can't do things, that it's pointless, etc... um... I don't have that voice. I have very sarcastic and snarky and hilarious voices in my head, but there's not a voice of defeat. Chris keeps telling these people to kick that voice in the teeth, but... if it's not there, what am I kicking? Listen, dude, if I gasp that I'm not getting enough oxygen and I'm getting dizzy, it's not a voice in my head psyching me out. It's a bad set of lungs that are starting to sieze up and prevent me from getting a full breath. if I don't take a moment to relax my lungs and get some air so I don't pass out, that's not whining, that's medical science. :/ Oh, and sometimes his particular flavor of peptalking makes my eyes roll of their own accord...
See, I'm a naturally sarcastic, snarky, funny person. Don't come at me with "Let's go team!" talk, and don't scream in my face about what you think I can do. The chipper pep talk always comes off as fake, causing me to respond with snark. The drill-sargeant act? Yeah, that will trip my stubbornness button and I dig in my heels. Oh, think you'll do the reverse psychology by telling me you don't think I can achieve something? *lol* Nope, not going to work either. I'll see your reverse psychology and just smile.
Honestly, it's that chipper peptalk stuff that annoys me the most about SparkPeople. Yeah, it's a site where we all boost eachother, but 99 times out of 100 it all comes off as soooooo cheesy and insincere. People leave comments and way-to-go's and... leave me turned off. I'm a solitary animal, I prefer to be mostly left to my own devices. I'm not looking for a cheering squad, just a point of focus. Hee, I sound like a total crabapple, don't I? :)
It's lunchtime... time to forage for nuts and berries before work.