Saturday, July 27, 2013
Yesterday morning I started thinking about how to dig deep to the old feelings I had when I started here (over 110 pounds and 2 years ago). I wanted to feel that same sense of urgency that helped drive my success for so many months and pounds. As much as I want to keep my old life in the past, I can't afford to put it completely away at this stage. Not only do I need to remember it, I NEED to really feel it and draw some of that energy to keep me on the right path while practicing making new habits for my future.
Back to yesterday. I made a list of those old feelings (to follow at a later time) and I adjusted some goals and plans. I felt motivated. I started a short blog. I felt more motivated. I felt peaceful and happy about starting a day with Spark and not going from bed to work as has mostly been the norm of late again. I didn't think of work. I didn't pay attention to time.
About 7:07 the phone rings and I answer "hello" not even letting it sink in that it was my work phone. My 7 AM meeting called me - I was supposed to call them. It was so embarrassing as I logged in and put my work hat on.
The work-day that followed was yet another filled with back-to-back-to-back meetings and problem solving. I barely moved. I didn't drink enough water throughout the day so didn't have leave my desk for a few steps down the hall. I was drained when it was over and all I knew was that I still had hours of my work to do. Memories of my motivation were gone. Worn out and warm in the house all I wanted was comfort. I asked hubby to bring home ice cream without even a second thought. I ate my healthy grilled salmon, broccoli and quinoa followed by a lot of ice cream. Ugh. I didn't beat myself up for it, but I wondered when the calories are going to show up on the scale. Even now I'm not as much frustrated with myself as I am reflective about how I can at least improve it in the future.
My work life is going to be like this some if not most of the time. There's no way around it as long as I stay on this job. But there are some things I can do and I have the beginnings of a plan. I need to stop fighting the factors I can't control and work with what I can. I need to stop allowing myself to be completely drained almost daily. My days may not go as planned, but they can be better. And I'll take a little better over the current situation any day.