Advertisement -- Learn more about ads on this site.


    MARCIEMCGOWAN   48,812
SparkPoints
40,000-49,999 SparkPoints
 
 
TOO FUNNY NOT TO PASS ON!! How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?

Saturday, July 27, 2013

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No...
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
____________________________
________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________________________
________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
____________________________
_________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
____________________________
________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________
________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________
_______________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
____________________________
_________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
____________________________
__________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
____________________________
_____________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________
________________
SHARE
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CMCGRUN 7/31/2013 11:34PM

    emoticon when I need a laugh, I know where to go!!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
GRAYLADY13 7/28/2013 2:12PM

    Funny! I love to laugh! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
BLITZEN40 7/28/2013 1:13PM

    Too funny! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
THROOPER62 7/27/2013 9:57AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
KIMI_SILVA 7/27/2013 1:07AM

    I love this! My mom shared this with me before, but I still got a good laugh reading them again. Thanks for sharing some laughter!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
FLEMIDG 7/27/2013 1:00AM

    Thanks for the laugh.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ALICIA214 7/27/2013 12:57AM

 
A lot of humour here..Good for a laugh too..

Thanks for the giggle. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CHIBIKARATE 7/27/2013 12:50AM

    to much I would do the same thing enjoy to funny ha ha ha

Report Inappropriate Comment

Add Your Comment to the Blog Post


Log in to post a comment.
 


Other Entries by MARCIEMCGOWAN