Confused, sad, broken............**

Friday, July 26, 2013

Well, I am struggling with this all week. My husband signed up while drunk to a "dating website" that is all about sex. I try to make myself believe it is not about me, but how am I not supposed to think that way. In his profile he says "i only have sex once a week"!! That is not because I am not willing, wanting, or able. I understand that this is wayyyyy TMI!!! It has not been me that has had a problem, it's him. I understand that he had cancer last year, and it is getting better.
I don't know, I think maybe it has to do with the fact he gained weight, and he doesn't like himself so he downgrades everyone around him. It is like he deflects. Part of that I blame on him being an only child, but for the love of God! If he is bothered by something he sure will point out that same flaw on you.
Now, we had a date night, we drank, he drank harder (my fault I made the drink too strong). Everything was going wonderful, then it turned ugly; (he says he doesn't remember and he may not). We fought, of course how I am not good enough and I weigh too much and blah blah blah. That was last Saturday, then he got on his laptop, sent a message to a chick he had the hots for in high school that he can't bear is in a relationship. She and I had it out once. After he sent the message he deleted her off of his friends list, I did not ask him to do that. Then I found the "dating site stuff". He has not responded and not done anything, but I don't know for sure how I feel about that. Maybe it makes him feel good about himself, I don't know.

We did have several long talks this week regarding his meaness and his deflection, and telling him that I am not perfect and I can be passive aggressive with the best of them. I even told him that I would walk away from it all if that is what he wanted, I just want him to be happy. I feel crushed and consumed. I am stuck at the same weight it feels like forever!!! I know it is lower than it was but I still feel meh! He seems remorseful, and has been very sweet this week, we shall see!

Sorry about all of that... just venting!
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You will get through this, feel free to vent, that is why we are here. We are your support system, when you need it. emoticon
    1693 days ago
    Thank you all!!! It really helps to know that I am not the only one who has had to deal with the drama of that!! Unfortunately, I still (even though I am 43) hold on to what my mother told me as a young girl...."I'm sorry Dawn, you're not pretty, you are just smart!" I try very hard to find my own feelings about how I look and who I am! It's a daily struggle! I hope this weekend is better!!! Hopefully going to go swimming on Sunday and get some sun finally this summer with my baby girl!!!! emoticon again... Thank you so much!
    Love Dawn
    1694 days ago
    Vent all you want . Don't keep it in. It will hurrt you more in the long run. I hope it all works out.....been in your shoes it's hard. I'm here if you need to talk emoticon emoticon
    1695 days ago
    Better to get it out, Scream to the top of your lungs, cry, but in the end understand one thing more than anything else......YOU MATTER TOO!!! He needs your help but if you are not able to say "I am worth more than this" he will always treat you like you are not worth anything. Talk, communicate, definitely but do not let him tell you your worth. Let him see the you that you are proud of not the you he has told you you are. YOU are awesome!!!!!
    1695 days ago
  • TAZZYM150
    You must be happy also. I am here to listen if you want.
    1695 days ago
  • LADYJ6942
    We all need a good vent. Don't let him be little you and don't be little yourself. You are who you are and need to make sure you are happy too. The stress of all this will keep the scale stuck as well , oh so many things keep us stuck.

    Hugs and I hope it all works out.
    1695 days ago
    Thank you both! I feel like it is his problem, but I take it on. As far as a trusted friend to talk it out, yeah that's not going to happen. Everytime I trust someone, they feel the need to go confront him. They think it helps but it doesn't! My BFF, drunk texted him a nasty message the night before father's day! Yeah that went over as well as a fart in church!!! Now I feel even more alone when it comes to stuff, I really don't have anyone I trust enough to talk to. Trust as always been my issue since before I knew what trust was supposed to be!!!! Everytime I let my guard down, people show me why I have issues!!! Oh to top it off my ex husband that said he still loves me, is dating a heavier, younger version of me! The similarities in looks is uncanny!! She is only 6 years older than my oldest daughter with him. Anyway, I don't want him, I just think it is creepy!!
    Ok i have babbled enough!!! Thank you so much!!! Really!!
    Love Dawn
    1695 days ago
    Vent away. I'm sorry that you are going through such a tough time right now. Long story short, I can honestly say been there, done that and it's not any fun at all.

    My situation improved (he still drinks just not as much) and I hope yours does too. emoticon to you. Stay strong.
    1695 days ago
    If it was me, I would find a trusted friend to meet with, to talk this out with. What you are going through is very painful and being with a good friend may give you the strength and clarity of mind to know what to do next. I am sorry about your pain. emoticon
    Love, Chelsea emoticon
    1695 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.