Would you question my justice, deem me guilty so you can be innocent? Job 40:8
Woo Wee, it feels as if life has been having her way with me! Can I get a witness! I shouldnít complain it could always be worse. I do admit one thing that has not come out of my mouth these past six weeks is what else could possibly go wrong? (I didnít need the invitation, it seems the devil was always happy and willing to oblige) What do we do? Where do we go when we are doing everything we know to do, but one thing after another goes south? Well, lol, glad youíve asked, and to be honest, I am still asking that question myself but letís give this a stab, shall we. If there is one thing I utterly despise in life, it is injustice, and I keep feeling like my plate has been quite full. Oh well, I suppose, who doesnít have an earful of problems to throw around right? I guess the bigger issue at hand is what should I do about it now, now that the damage is done?
You see, often times we cannot control many things in life, sure it may look like we can, and some of us, myself included at times, go to great lengths to ensure nothing is out of place and nothing gets by us. There sure is an awful lot of time and stress that goes into that type of thinking though, donít you think? I mean if we really trusted God weíd rest a little better right? We wouldnít worry so much, be so ďwrappedĒ up in things, yeno what I mean? If one of my older children were made fun of as a small child it was so tempting for me ďas the adultĒ to correct that child. To inform that child that what he or she said was not true, and that my child was indeed the cream of the crop. It was tempting, but often times I remained silent. I watched as my child emoted. I watched him speak up, or sit out depending on his mood. Sometimes it was great comic relief, other times it stung, as if I myself were being verbally lashed out at it, but as a parent, I always committed that kind of stuff to God, and to the skills he had tucked into each of my kids.
When we were out of the situation, at home where it was safe, Iíd ask questions. Well, how did so and so make you feel? Are you ok? Do you know that what he said isnít true? Did you handle it the way you wanted to, or do you think next time youíd handle it better? I remember sitting down with my oldest daughter at four having these conversations with her and then allowing her to respond. If there was ever an unresolved issue, weíd pray and then weíd role play so that next time the interaction would not catch her off guard, and she would be prepared to handle an incoming barrage. Pretty soon she got really good at it, (maybe too good, lol) and then I had to teach her how to lose gracefully, and how not to pick on others, and on and on and on.
I have to think about that in relationship to how God deals with us. God does not always take us out of difficult situations. Sometimes he watches, he listens, and he waits to see how we are going to respond. He too wonders how we will react, and as his test continues, he takes notes. Then when he sees it appropriate he interacts with us, and tells us what we could have done better, how heíd like to see us improve, and most importantly, he begins to equip us in this unbeknown area to us so that we will continue to reflect more and more of His character, the character of his precious Son Jesus. How amazing the thought! What a kind and gracious God, but how many of us can see him like that in such tough and perplexing situations? Humph. I will admit, I have not always ďacedĒ these tests, sometimes Iím lucky to come out with a D! What then? Does God simply turn us aside and say well, enough is enough already, Iíve wasted enough valuable time on you, on to the next kid! No, no, no, instead just like any good parent, he waits. He waits for us to stop crying and screaming and kicking (either literally or in the spirit) and when we are finally settled down enough he speaks. Whatís that? Jesus, youíre still there?! You havenít abandoned me?! SERIOUSLY! Jesus is like yup, Iím still here kiddo, and good luck getting rid of me ;)
You see when God says Jesus sticks closer than a brother, he means it. Now that doesnít always mean we feel him or sense his presence. Boy those times are great though, arenít they?! No, sometimes we must use our minds, our wills and our emotions to find God. Sometimes, our spirit man is very quiet because God is trying to teach us something we would otherwise not care to see if he did not turn down that sweet, sweet presence just a notch. Iím gonna level with you. I HATE FEELING SEPERATED FROM GOD. No wonder Jesus cried out, Father, Father why have you forsaken me! He couldnít stand it either! Once you have tasted of Godís sweet, holy presence you MUST have it.
I guess thatís why when he is really quiet, and I am dying for direction, I start freaking out a little bit. If there is ever a time I panic, itís when I donít hear Jesus on a continual basis all day. I absolutely hate that. Yes, I said hate, because itís so stinkiní true! Whatís a girl to do though? Itís not like I have anywhere to go back to? I have tried everything the world has to offer, and to that I say a big, fat no thanks. So what am I to do? Well, part of me gets so itchy I want to change my circumstances. I start thinking I know, Iíll move, lol, or get a job, or start some grand new endeavor, that will fix my itch right? Humph. I donít even want to admit to you how many times I went around THAT mountain. Let me save you some time, you want Godís very best for your life, you may have to waaaiiitttt. Yes, Fam, I said wait.
Oh, how we hate to wait, ESPECIALLY in this society and culture, oy. We live in a day and age that says if you make me wait, Iíll run you over so fast your head wonít have time to catch up and when Iím done with you youíll be begginí your mama for mercy. Itís crazy out there?! Itís fast and furious and violent. And here comes God. I own all eternity and time, so I say wait. Iím like seriously. Heís likeÖyes. Then what? Well, if youíve got a lick of sense to yourself, youíll wait. If not, (been there, done that) you wonít, and all kinds of cool stuff might happen like you might birth an Ishmael, ooo, fun, or how about you become a pillar of salt, never to behold daylight again, ooo, oo, or my personal favorite, you miss Godís will completelyÖscowl-y faceÖof course, Iím kidding, but you get the idea, and you get how mature I am in this areaÖnot much, lol.
However, I have determined this time, I will wait. I will wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. And I will not move a muscle until God says go. Why?! Because Fam, I have been down this road the last time. I will not settle for anything, but Godís best and perfect will for my life. I have too much invested into this thing. Too many tears, too many years, too many well, every thang, so yeah, I wait. I agonize in my waiting, but I wait. I want to pull my hair out in my waiting, but I wait, and you want to know a secret, because I am waiting, not moving, even though it is KILLING my flesh, God is speaking again. Wanna know what he said about this? Oh, man, God is so funny. He said, ok, good girl, you realize you need to wait, NOW, my beloved daughter, hang it up and kiss it goodnight. WA-WA-WHAT?! God, are you sure that is you? Oh, yes, God says, indeed, I am telling you, hang.it.up.
Now there was one other time in my life where God told me to hang something up, and it hurt like aÖwell, you know. It has been eight years since that trial, and it has only been the last three and a half that I got over that. I told you, Iím a very, very stubborn one ;) Anyhow, this time, no this time, not only am I hanging it up, I am folding it up neatly, packing it away and not even mentioning, nor thinking about it until the Lord says, ďDING, timeís upĒ now you may proceed. I am determined not to waste one more precious moment of my time or breath on something God says not right now too. My days of arguing with the Almighty are over. Simply, I am just not that smart. So I encourage you, is there something Daddy is saying, ah, ah, ah, that is mine, wonít you give that to me? Is there something that is weighing you down, stressing you out, something you are trying your hardest to control, but you are utterly frustrated because God is not in it right now? If so, letís pray!
Father, I love you. You are so magnificent and kind, no matter what I may say when Iím in a bad mood. Oh, Lord you know the depths of our hearts, yet you love us! I love you Daddy. Forgive me for making life about anything more than you. Forgive me when I step off of the deep end or when I stay too long in the kiddie pool, either one makes me look like a prune, so Lord would you help me know when to get out of the pool ? Would you further teach us balance and grace, how to wait kindly? Would you wreck us with your mercy hand of justice? Would you consume us so that all that is left is your blazing atonement and sacrifice for our unfathomable disobedience and hate towards you? Lord, we all hated you and were your enemies before you called us to your side. Thank you for your redemption, thank you for your mercy and grace and limitless, boundless love. You rule! I love you. I love you. Lord, we love you so much.
Do the work that only you can do. Thank you that when all the dust settles, even the mountains, that you remain. Lord, you remain. The Devil may rise against us a hundred, yea, even a thousand times, but Lord, you are there with your limitless fury against sin to smack him right back into his place. Thank you that I donít have to pretend to be anybody that I am not. Thank you that you speak ďRachelĒ and that you love me quirks and all. I guess thatís why I love you so much because I know how very much you love me. Jesus, show each one the fullness of your love. May they know you more intimately, more personally than they could have ever, ever imagined in your precious Sonís name I pray. Amen ;)
Pic Ref: http://www.steveenglehart.com/