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    CYBERCITYSHELL   4,647
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The Hidden Girl~

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Disheartening~
The scales evil answer~
Let down-been here before~
I tried hard-ok I went off track~
Another day-I must work harder~
I want to get rid of this poison~
My body holds onto it~
It's a battle~
To stay with what I know~
Or a chance of happiness~
The change is tempting~
I really do want to do it~
Something's holding me back~
Am I afraid of what the change can do?
The possibilites the change can offer~
Subconscious fear of what the change will mean~
This covering might be a protector to keep danger away~
Am I fighting against the change?
Every layer must come off~
The hidden girl-she's still so scared~
The extra padding it keeps her safe~
Nobody can hurt her the way she is~
If she exposed the hidden girl~
Is it fear of repercussion or of the unknown?
Trust in her judgement~
She;s wiser now~
Not the same scared confused girl from another era~
She's different now~
What will become of the hidden girl?
Trapped for all eternity~
The prison she has built herself~
Demons chased the hidden girl~
But that was way back before~
She can escape the monsters now~
She's all grown up~
Not the hidden girl of yesteryear~
There's nothing to fear~
It could be an adventure~
Seeing the hidden girl~
What does she actually look like?
She stayed hidden for all this time~
The future depends on setting her free~
The layers have served their purpose~
They must go~Of this, I know~
Bit by bit I'll let them go~
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I wrote this one this morning when I had a few minutes before getting up for work. I like writing poetry. I have written some good ones and some maybe not as good ones. I began writing poetry when I begun my journey into soul searching.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAREN608 8/2/2013 11:18AM

    It is scary for me to keep losing, and wonder what a normal
weight is like. I haven't been there since age 13.

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CIROHIO 7/30/2013 9:44PM

    emoticon Love it emoticon boy you are so gifted to be able to express yourself with words the way you do! emoticon

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CYBERCITYSHELL 7/28/2013 5:02AM

    Thanks for all the wonderful comments. I first started writing poetry when I began coming out of my "shell" and started soul searching. It was great at the time, my mind started to unleash some of the smokescreen of fog I had developed there over the years. Because to me the "hidden girl", is the young frightened, truamatised girl .Having a sick mum who lived in hospital for the last ten years of her life and instead of having the support of my step father he abused us. He also did his best to bring us up. And any situations I couldn't deal with as that innocent child was block them out. Including his bad behaviour. I excused his abuse-physically, mentally and sexually. But when I got into my soul searching I decided he didn't have the right to do the things he did. My compulsive eating addiction/habit is my response to my mixed up emotional frame of mind. Any style of writing for me is my release. I can start blogging without a topic and end up letting my mind wander all over the place. I had some great poems and writings back when I had my page in yahoo 360. I often had a featured page and I had one women who stole one of my very personal poems .

Comment edited on: 7/28/2013 5:05:00 AM

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MYAKAYAH 7/27/2013 6:20PM

    Lovely poetry & I hope you are well. I was thinking even thinner people have food issues as well & others don't realize we have our struggles as well with making right food choices. I think life can be a struggle in different ways for everyone! Let out your inner goddess~ emoticon

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KARENKANDO 7/27/2013 9:09AM

    Wow! Wow! Wow! This is absolutely awesome!!!! You are quite the poet, my friend, and if you are not published, you should be! I so wish I had your type of creativity. I can't believe you just sat down one day and whipped this up in no time - just before going to work. I don't mean I don't believe it - I absolutely do! I'm just saying, is is amazing that you have that type of talent and ability - to let something this creative come right off the top of your head and then get put down on paper. I am jealous (not in a bad way!!). I can't write poetry at all. I've tried, but I just suck at it. I have a hidden girl too - just like yours. I struggle too with wanting to let her out - but being afraid to let her out. It's a daily battle. I think it would be an adventure to go for it - but something keeps holding me back. I can only assume that it's fear. Fear of what I do not know. The fat on my body keeps me safe somehow - at least that's what my subconscious mind believes - or must believe. It's like a wall - keeps others at bay somehow - so they can't hurt me. It also keeps me from getting too much attention. I'm awkward in public - crowded places. I'm pretty good one-on-one, but get me in a crowed like at a party - and I'm ready to run away quick like! It just makes me very anxious. So staying fat, keeps me isolated from groups of people I think. Anyway, this is very good blog entry. I got so much out of it! Really made me think!!!! Thank you so much for sharing it. You are a very talented poet! You really are!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PAULA3420 7/26/2013 5:08PM

    emoticon I sure enjoyed reading your blog today and you touched me as I too feel there is a hidden girl inside of me that wants to come out and live and celebrate our HEALTHY LIFE TOGETHER!!! emoticon Yesterday, I was told by a therapist, YOU DESERVE to be healthy, YOU ARE WORTHY. It struck a chord with me and I have been repeating it to myself through the day. Seems to be helping. I KNOW your hidden girl will surface with your LOVE. ALL the BEST

Paula emoticon

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KIM22211 7/26/2013 4:22PM

    I love it! That is amazing and a little too true! Thank you for sharing!

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BROADBRUSH 7/25/2013 8:04PM

    sounds like you are a kindred spirit. i too write of many things, retrospective and introspective. i blogged about who i call 'my twisted sister'' - always there and ready to ruin me. she is ever present - a spoiler who loves to torment, taunt and get you to fail.
acknowledge her, let her out - and never let her win the battle.


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WALLAHALLA 7/25/2013 2:17PM

    emoticon talent

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CAMEY13 7/25/2013 11:21AM

    Have you ever wondered why you keep that hidden girl locked inside. Could you be jealous of her? Is she the one who gets all the attention? Time to show her that you can also get attention. Time to let her out and compete with her and win.
Losing is a struggle. How well I know. I go down to 5 lbs to only lose only to taste some sweets and gain it back. Then I start to do more exercise, eat less, and start all over again. Nobody realizes that trying to lose weight and keeping it off is a struggle, if they are thin. Some people are fortunate to not have to worry about what they eat. I wish I were one of them. emoticon

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CHERYL_ANNE 7/25/2013 7:30AM

    Trust in her judgement... abso-lutely...!
emoticon
You got this and you know how to do this.

What you want is on the other side of fear and you can get there by simply putting one foot in front of the other and continuing on your journey to becoming the healthiest you can be!
emoticon

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SLEEPERELLA 7/25/2013 7:08AM

    Well said!

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FERRETLOVER1 7/25/2013 7:07AM

    That poem is emoticon You are a great writer!

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NYARAMULA 7/25/2013 6:27AM

    emoticon

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ROSINVN 7/25/2013 3:17AM

    Great way of expressing what is going on and I see this as full of hope. You are coming out of hiding and discovering who you really are and all you were created to be. Good on you!! emoticon

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SHILOBOOTH 7/25/2013 2:28AM

    Wow love it, you are really good. You will find that hidden you, it may take a while but you will find her emoticon

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