Wednesday, July 24, 2013
It has been a lot longer than 24 hours since my get up and go has gotten up and gone missing. Personally, I think they should put out an Amber alert. Missing: get up and go last seen mid May. Qualities--positive outlook--healthy--caring--supp
ortive--gives a hoot. If you spot this get up and go please call the New Britain police department immediately. I want it back.
For over two months I have been faking it to make it. Instead of getting better it is getting worse. I don't even want to get out of bed now. It is getting later and later everyday. I use to jump out of bed early, I was in the water by 6:30, home, showered and on SP by 9-9:30. I use to like reading the articles and responding to posts. Now I feel like it is a chore. I do it to try and stay motivated. It is getting to where it is not working. Some of it is my computer, it is so slow and the mouse doesn't work half the time. It is annoying to use. It takes me a hour or so to do emails and those don't include the new posts. I am get frustrated instead of enjoying it.
I send my chore person or homemaker to do the grocery shopping or to do any errands. I don't like to leave the house. I was blaming the heat, which was part of the reason. I have asthma, and when it is high humidity, I will get sick. Now that it is cooler, I still don't want to go out. I sent my chore guy to do the shopping yesterday, and I am annoyed as all get out because he did it wrong. I wanted ground turkey to make sloppy joes and he got turkey breast. I wanted the eggs that were on sale he bought organic. Twice the money. He didn't purchase what was on the list. I even spelled it out, ground turkey. Now I have to go out and return everything and redo the shopping. I was thinking about waiting until Thursday when Rachel comes but I don't know if they will take it back that late.
I do have chronic depression and I am on anti depressants. I go to a counselor twice a month for a half hour. I told her in June that I was getting depressed and I needed more time. Starting this week I made my appointments for 1 hour twice a month through August. When I saw her Monday she told me that her schedule will not be able to accomodate a hour and she wants me to go to a woman's group. I hate groups, I have tried them and tell my counselors that I don't like them and haven't been in one in years. I don't like this counselor, never have. She replaced one that I absolutely adored. Now I don't know what to do because I don't want to cause waves. I want what I feel I need though before I get more depressed. If she had listened to me in June, I don't think it would have gone this far. I see my Dr. tomorrow to get my refills, I am going to talk to him.
In the mean time I will have to continue to fake it until I can make it again. At least earning the spark points still motivates me. I have to spin the wheel everyday. I don't want that streak broken. I want all the points earned in a day that I can get. I am not as active as I use to be but I am doing the best that I can for right now. I am controlling my eating by not having trigger foods in the house. I learned my lesson on that a couple weeks ago. I am where I don't care so I can't have the stuff in the house. I still want to go out and eat but don't. I need my get up and go to come back so I can fight this easier.
Thank you for reading this. I appreciate all my spark friends. They are the greatest.