Tuesday, July 23, 2013
While I sit here typing this, I am also in the process of baking a metric crap ton of cookies. Not all of them are for me and the roommates, but I also know that they wont all leave the house either. And you know what, I'm ok with that. I used to think that having a "bad food day" meant that I had permission to cut loose and let myself have everything that I know I shouldn't because lets face it I've already screwed up once, what is a few more times really going to hurt.
But I have finally come to the conclusion that I can't and wont work that way. Cutting everything out right off the bat is what causes me to binge eat in the first place. Instead I am looking for ways to satisfy those cravings without over doing it. Having it in the house isn't the problem, the problem is paying attention to how much I have put in my mouth. To that end I have discovered crocheting little doll like things (thanks to a good friend). This is allowing me to 1) create fun little things to share with my friends, 2) let my nerd side show because I have decided to crochet all 151 original pokemon (90's kids rejoice) and 3) it keeps my hands busy so they don't go pick up another cookie or 4.
On top of being more aware of what I'm eating, my roommates and I have started a 5k training program. This is a huuuuge challenge for me not only because I'm basically a sedentary creature who always hated running (high school was torture), but also because I have asthma and its exercise related (among other things) . Unfortunately this means that although I would love to be able to push my body past what it wants to do, my lungs don't always agree. It's taken me two weeks to get through the first week completely. Its a total of like 6 minutes of running which doesn't sound like much, but it has taken a lot of effort to get through it. I've had to find breathing exercises to try and expand my lungs, I've had to push my lungs to a point where they hate me and make that hatred known, and damnit I am proud of myself for it. I still have a long road ahead of me, but I know now that if I can keep it up, eventually I will get there.
My roomies have been a great help in keeping me motivated, and I am super grateful to them both for that. And strangely enough the TV show Extreme Hoarding has also been very helpful. Not only does it make me want to get rid of everything I own, It reminds me that this is a behavioral change and it takes time, and slip ups do happen, but taking those baby steps make the difference and eventually those big changes will take place.