It's All Me
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
This seems to be my routine... I need to break the cycle. I begin. I do great. I let something get in the way (a birthday meal/an injury/an illness/a lack of time/whatever excuse you can think of) and then I fall off the wagon and hit the concrete harder than I did the last time and end up so bruised from the fall by gaining even more weight than I lost the last go-around. Then it takes so much to pull myself back up. It doesn't matter what words of encouragement are offered to me, or what brilliant ideas I can come up with to make this time successful; It's all ME. I guess when it comes to weight loss I am very stubborn. Say what you want, but if I don't just change my ways and suck it up and DO IT, it will just never get done.
I've been trying to get back on this path and I haven't even made it through a single day each time I begin again. This is for no other reason than the fact that I am lazy and I enjoy food oh so much. Those things will always be true about me - hopefully not so much the lazy part, but it seems right now they really are facts.
What am I going to do? Just keep getting fatter? Lazier? Adding more health problems and concerns to my daily worries? Buy bigger clothes...again? I am killing myself. This is the longest form of suicide I have ever witnessed I think. I need to do this for no one but me. I will say this... this is the last time I begin again. It may not be true but I don't know that for sure yet and I'm trying to get my confidence and self esteem and motivation back to where it should be so with that... today I begin again for the last time. I'm going to set myself up for success and I am going to try to convert my stubbornness into a tool I can use.
When I get home from work tonight I am going to set up my eliptical trainer and take it for a spin. I bought the eliptical 20 days ago and so far I haven't even put it together. One step at a time. I need to get moving again. This time there will be success.