Tuesday, July 23, 2013
You work at this process long enough and hard enough eventually it starts to catch up with you. People say I obsessed or addicted to this journey. I don't really think so though. I am very dedicated to it. I am very mindful of the process, my exercise and my nutrition. I know what it is to be miserable and honestly hate not yourself but hate what you have become. I know what it feels like to be stuck in a body that you know shouldnt be 200 pounds over weight. I know what it is to make yourself move through good and bad pain.
It takes more courage than I could ever put into words to step on a scale week after week and just accept that number. It takes so much strength to pull out a tape measure and take those first measurements. You muster up everything you have everyday and very slowly starting changing things. You learn to lie to yourself and promise yourself that it wont hurt so much tomorrow or make little promises like if you will walk two miles today then tomorrow i promise we will walk one mile knowing that is lie. And every now and then the body shocks you as you forgot something till it become amazing in the new light.
Back in October of 2011 I took my first measurements. I remember crying for days as the little pull out tape that went to 60 inches wouldnt even touch actually we need another 10 inches or so to get the ends to meet around my hip area. Can you imagine finding out that you are more round than you are tall. I was horrified, disgusted and so embarrassed. Pounds go but inches well that is another story . Unfortunately you dont loose an inch for every pound you loose oh now that would be great.
On Saturday July 20, 2013 I have to take my measurements for my Summer 5% challenge. This is just a thing no big deal or is it ? So i measure all the parts of the body but it is the hips that matter most to me as it dawns on they are now 53 inches. i am now smaller round than i am tall. Although that is still a large number because i am still working on belly fat it is so much smaller. This morning while changing after the gym I realized that the chicken wings under my arms are going away finally .
Although every day isnt a walk in the park sometimes the body repays you in generosity for all your pushing and shoving and crying and laughing. Dont get so use to the journey that you forget to look at the scenery along the way because if you do you might miss the butterfly that is emerging ever so slowly ...