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    CAKEMAKERMOM   55,523
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You look so good!

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

I've been getting that a lot lately from people who know I've been working on losing weight. I can take the compliment sincerely from certain people, like my skinny friends who don't need to lose weight and I know aren't in need of losing anything, but when I get that from some people who could stand to lose a few (or fifty or more) pounds for their frames, I wait for the added part "how did you do it?", but more often than not, it doesn't come.

I know part of it is that I know it can be done with a little discipline, but the other part of me wants to think they're happy with themselves as they are and don't want to change. I have had real discussions with some people who seem to want to change their diets so they can be healthy, no matter if they have only a few or they have many to lose, but I'm sad that some people just don't think they can change or don't realize what they're doing to themselves at the weight they are.

I know I'm being judgemental when I think like that, but I would never say anything directly to anyone "OMG you're so fat! Lose some weight!" I know intellectually that not everyone will want to lose the weight. I know that change is hard. I know what it is to be fat and the judgement that comes upon someone who doesn't look "normal" to other people and everyone will have someone who thinks poorly of you, no matter what you look like.

I just want to reach out to the people who need my advice, but I need to also be patient and wait for someone to want the help. No one wants unsolicited advice. No one needs to be told what they already know.

I know I'll be there for the people who ask and I won't push anyone who isn't ready and doesn't ask. I'll be there to tell someone they look good when they're getting closer to their goals. The only thing I can do is be someone to listen to the other person, most of the time listening can be the best thing I can do for someone else.

In the end I just need to take the compliment. They're being sincere, no matter what they look like. "Thank you" is what they all want to hear.


Today's Holidays: Gorgeous Grandma Day, National Mosquito Day, National Hot Dog Day and National Vanilla Ice Cream Day.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PATRICIAANN46 7/24/2013 3:16PM

  emoticon You are absolutely correct...........One has to be ready to begin their journey. Until then, not much of what you say will make any difference.

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COREY219 7/24/2013 12:38AM

    I think you are leading by example.

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FRAN0426 7/23/2013 11:02PM

    Someone does need to be ready to want to lose weight for them to even begin a journey. When someone says the want to change but, but, but gets in the way---they are not ready.
As for the compliments, be pleased that those who know you notice your doing a good job.

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TONYAB2000 7/23/2013 2:27PM

    Until someone is ready and motivated, anything you say will just be taken as criticism. I was the same way. I had to have my own eye opening moment before I was ready and willing to do it. I'm glad I am and I will gladly share my experience with anyone who asks. At first, I wanted to tell everyone but I had to learn for myself.....just say thank you and move on. When they are ready, they will ask.

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CONFIDENTLY_FIT 7/23/2013 1:33PM

    Good for you for using good judgement:)
People will ask when they are ready:)

National Mosquito Day, huh? It's like that every day here!

Hope you have a great one!

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KNYAGENYA 7/23/2013 1:14PM

    We can only control ourselves and not the actions of others. They will seek you out when they have their "aha" moment.

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KABMPH 7/23/2013 1:05PM

    My mom emailed me today saying that the doctor is concerned about her cholesterol and glucose and made the suggestion that she lose weight. I should not be surprised that the doctor waited for bad numbers to come along before telling her this, when she has been obese for a long time and continues to gain more and more weight every year, when she has chronic back pain and a lot of other complaints.

My mom was upset by his admonition but sounded willing to try. My big concern is that she has always searched for "get thin quick" schemes and spends ridiculous amounts of money on junk. I am very hopeful that she will put in the hard work to make herself healthier and live a long, long time.

I guess I just needed to get that out. :) I think you have a great system -- be judgmental on the inside (who isn't?) but be respectful to the person on the outside. You are very, very correct: No one wants unsolicited advice.

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CLESHER 7/23/2013 1:05PM

    We only have the power to enact change within our selves, we can motivate others, inspire others but we cannot do it for them....I appreciate your advice as I am actively enacting change. I too have had a few complements....One person at work blurted out....how ya doing, skinny....that was nice....On sunday during my walk a car full of young guys...slowed down and gave a great wolf call...that boosted my ego a bit...shoot I am 41, I will take it as a compliment when a car full of young men who slow down to cat call at me....that was a nice surpise.....

Overall I would say take the compliment and simply say thank you......

Drat national vanilla ice cream day....doesn't help me with my dillema I posted...Ice cream social at work today....UGH!!!

emoticon

Comment edited on: 7/23/2013 1:07:02 PM

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VIPERSWEB 7/23/2013 12:58PM

    Sometimes, as painful as it is, one must wait to help those who need help. I think you have you the right idea to just accept the compliment and be there for those who wish to know how you did it. Keep at it!

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