Long time no me
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Well, on August 5, 2012 I moved 380 miles away from my parents and further than that from the rest of my family. At first, there were lots of exciting things…having my own place for the first time and not having to answer to anyone about how late I would be out.
Homesickness comes and goes, though. I usually go about 3 months before heading south to see my family. Those days between August and Thanksgiving really took a toll on me. As it’s been longer, I am getting better with going without seeing my family.
My weight has been up and down. I reached a several year high in fall 2012 on the scale, but was able to get it down. By Christmas, I was right around where I am comfortable. But then, life really got me hard in January. I ended up having to take about three weeks off from running due to a nasty cold that just wouldn’t leave my chest. I had surgery for a torn retina. My grandfather passed away, and I don’t think I’ve quite forgiven myself for not being home when it happened. In my professional life, I was dealing with a lot of new things and really feeling the stress.
I had begun dating in late December after being single since April 2009. I had first dates with three different guys, but none of those were “winners.” The next guy I met went three dates. He was a nice guy, perfect gentleman, but he still wasn’t really someone I wanted to pursue. My good friends kept telling me that I would know when someone came along that was worth trying a relationship again. Well, I did. The next guy I went out with I have been seeing from March 16 to present. He’s been incredibly supportive of me, knowing I’m going through a lot in the workplace.
One of the things that really made our relationship take off is that we were both training for half marathons that were only two weeks apart. So, we started doing our long runs together. My half marathon was a very emotional thing for me since to me it marked my comeback from having dealt with an awful car accident. For the past year and a half since the car accident, it was as if injuries and obstacles kept appearing. Our 10 mile long run was the worst…I stopped after mile seven and began crying. I hadn’t realized all of the emotion that I had been putting into the race. It was as if I had been telling myself that if I completed this half marathon (which would be my second) it would be as if the car accident never happened. My stutter would go away; my shoulder blade would suddenly be flat in my back again; my post traumatic stress and panic would never be heard from again. After seven miles on the ten mile run, that’s when I realized that no, none of this would be the case. The accident was never going to go away. Had I not been with my boyfriend on that run, I would have quit. But he pushed me to run/walk the rest of it. The next week was an 11 mile run. I felt great afterwards, and I knew that I was ready for the half marathon.
The half marathon was honestly such an incredible experience, to the location to the way the race was run. I expected to get post race depression since I had before, but instead something weird happened…the night before I started crying when I was trying to fall asleep (for a 4 a.m. wake-up!). “I don’t want it to be over,” I sobbed. I finally feel asleep and woke-up the next morning to have one of the best experiences of my life.
My first half marathon in Aug 2011 I was lucky to finish. Training hadn’t gone so well, and I felt like I had let myself down. I finished the course just barely under three hours (2:58) although I ran it all. I didn’t want that to happen again at this race, but I didn’t want to go out too fast and not finish…it meant too much to me. I needed it too badly. I ended up running perfectly. The night before I said I was hoping to finish under 2:50. In reality, I was hoping for 2:47 but I didn’t want to admit that to anyone and not be able to do it. I ended up finishing in 2:45, a 12:36 pace.
Now that my big adventure is over, I’ve run one 5k…but I’ve been in kind of a rut. I ended up somehow spraining my back…whether it was from running or softball I don’t know. It didn’t take me out of running, but it definitely made me slower, and on some days, I would have a bit of a limp. Thankfully keeping my mileage low and max dosage of Naproxen has helped with that.
In the future I have two events coming up…a 5 mile run and another half marathon. The half marathon is on Sept 15. I haven’t really been training much for it. I signed up for it to help avoid post race depression, and then later found out about the 5 mile run two weeks before. I have debated switching to smaller race, but I think I’ll try to stick with it at this point. We will see.
In regards to my weight, I just got back from vacation. I managed to lose a couple of pounds beforehand once I started tracking again, but there was no cell phone or internet where I was so I couldn’t track on here then. Plus, after a few days, I gave up and figured I was on vacation. When I came back and got on the scale, my weight matched my all time high weight (though I stayed active). Unfortunately, I am not someone who if I exercise and stay healthy that my weight stays down. I have to eat healthy as well. So…here I go. I need to continue to blog on here because I know it’ll help. I’ve been reading about the development of habits, and the author of the book has been reiterating how important groups of like minded people are.
So, it’s made two days in a row now that I have ridden my bike to work. I tracked well yesterday. Yay to baby steps.
In my book, it also discusses how much more important willpower is than the actual skill. So I’m trying to keep that in mind as I develop my career. As long as I have willpower, I can succeed…despite the constant stress of my job and feeling like I’m not good enough (although I’m just learning, it seems that others don’t want to teach, but simply get upset when I make mistakes).
Here I go. Yes, it was a long time…no me. But as long as I reach out and try to talk about things and reflect, I can be okay.