July 22, 2013
Monday, July 22, 2013
My story. My name is jackie. I am married with 2 beautiful children ( a little biased) my son has classic autism. It is a challenge.
When I got married 15 years ago I was 130 lbs. I was in good shape. I went from walking everywhere to having a car. That was the start of my downward spiral.
12 years ago, I got pregnant was so excited. 12 weeks in I miscarried. I know this is where I completely went out of control. I was sad all the time. The only thing my husband could think of to cheer me up was to bring me out to dinner at my favorite restaurant. So we went from eating really healthy to really bad.
Then my husband got a job in another state. This didn't help me at all. I went from having friends to knowing no one. I am shy and have a hard time talking to strangers. It was about a year of living there before I started making some friends. I found a great support. I started walking with them and going to a gym. The gym was not helpful found ones that had childcare. All of the places I took my son they would let him cry for 5 min and then come get me. So working out not very easy finally found a place that said as long as he was ok they would let him cry. Thank goodness. It only took 5 visits for him to stop crying. Kids learn if I cry long enough something else will happen. I even got a bike then i found out I was pregnant again. Both of my pregnancies my best friend was the toilet. So back to not doing much. I got up to 250 ish with the second pregnancy. afterward I started walking/running and working out got myself down to 185. I was feeling good.
My son with Autism is a handful so we decided to move back closer to family for help. That was a big mistake. We moved in with my grandmother. She was 100 years old at the time. I was nervous about being the one to find her when she passed away. So back to not working out not having many friends and eating horrible. Putting myself on the back burn ballooned back up to 220ish. Family didn't help at all wish we moved closer to my husbands family would of been much better. My family all hell had broken loose, we decided to buy my grandmothers house (technically it was my fathers) and when we asked the 3 buildings on the property to be emptied so we could use them. You think I told them to go jump off a bridge. No one spoke to us because we are bad people for over a year and half. I know bad rumors were spread about my husband. To this day no one apologized to us for their badness. We gave in and started talking to them and again it is all about my family. They are selfish people who only think about themselves. So you can see where I can get a little stress and no relief. My husband and I almost didn't make it through the 2nd big blowout with my family. So I am done with them. We still speak and all but no more relying on them or helping them. I put my family first. I am even putting me first. I am down to 205 at this point it has been a long slow journey realizing I am important, I matter. My needs come first. The better I am the better my kids will be.
I am making the leap into a healthy lifestyle again. I will make it this time. Yesterday I actually completed the first day of couch to 5k with following all of it. With a near fall on treadmill of course that is because my son grabbed my arm and said mommy stop running carry my trains. Thank goodness I got good balance that would not of been fun falling on the treadmill.
I will add before pictures and some others to this blog at a later time (at work)