Monday, July 22, 2013
I don't even know where to begin. I'm sure like many members, the effort and desire to work towards our goals waxes and wanes throughout time. We're doing really well, and then all of a sudden something happens, we don't have as much time as we used to, we slip up, and 1 day turns into 1 week, 1 week turns into 1 month, and 1 month turns into 1 year....and you're lucky if it stops there. I feel like that happens to me all the time. Sometimes I think I'm happy. People say I don't look like I weigh as much as I do (and shocked when they find out the exact number!), ice cream tastes good, and I'm gosh darn tired after working for 11 hours. What's the point? Why can't I be happy how I am? I would say I am happy - to a point. I will not say that I am miserable. I do enjoy eating, I have a fulfilling life, good friends and a loving family, finances are really tight, but I make things work. But I know that I can do more. I know that I can be healthier. How much happier and successful would I be if I didn't get sick all of the time? I know I can look better. It pains me to think that I'm not getting asked out on dates because of my weight. Part of me thinks that if a guy really liked me and was worth anything, he would see me as a beautiful person and wouldn't care. The other part of me thinks that while guys may think I'm a good person, they're not attracted to me in that way, so I never get asked out. It's frustrating. I am afraid the truth may hurt.
But - here I go again. I have promised myself "this time will be different" so many times. I want this time to be different, but will it? There is always that fear. But I know this time will not be different if there is never another "this time". Besides, whatever progress I do make is important and worthy of praise and better than it never happening at all. Acting upon a fear of failure will only guarantee your goal is not met.