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A New Thought About My Binge Eating

Monday, July 22, 2013

A new thought hit me this morning, after yet another binge last night.

I was keeping the house free of binge foods, which means sugary foods. I realize carbs have sugar in them, but I don't keep the house free of good carbs. I'd had 200 calories under my calorie range after supper. Then hubby suggested we have popcorn. I said yes, mainly because it was something he suggested we have together. I felt inclined to take him up on his offer, since we eat different things for our meal, even though we eat at the same time. I just thought of this as a bonding time. Silly me. I thought, I'll only have one cup. I ate half the bag. Then he left the living room and kitchen. I didn't leave the kitchen. I scrounged around for anything to eat. I ate a couple bowls of cereal, that didn't even taste good to me. I ate some crackers. I made myself stop at that.

My revelation came this morning. I've always said sweets are my binge food. Now I see that anything can be my binge food. Maybe the popcorn triggered it. The thing that seemed to trigger it was when I went to record the amount of calories I had in the popcorn, it was way higher than I predicted--it was the movie style butter popcorn. Why do I even have that in the house instead of the kind that is light, or no butter? I got this on sale, that's why. It wasn't worth it. For years we didn't even keep popcorn on hand.

I learned that anything can be my binge food. It's the act of binge eating that I have to come to terms with.

I have read in the Bible that we should not love the world or anything of the world. Paul said he had a thorn in his flesh; this feels to me like a thorn in my flesh. The Bible, specifically Jesus, says we are to live by the bread of life alone, referring to the Word of God, the Bible. I have been picking up and reading my Bible more and keeping in mind these thoughts. It has helped me to have peace, knowing that God knows I need to eat, but not have a love affair with food. And that he understands my weaknesses of my mind, binge mentality. I have the best help around, in His word and love and compassion. And also the support I get from SparkPeople friends.

I am still in the process of dealing with binges. But I am not so stressed out about it. I see the stress I've been under. It is a major factor in my binges, to eat out of emotion. I have gradually been letting my hobbies slide. I haven't knitted in many weeks, I haven't worked on my art journal for a couple weeks, and I have slacked off on working out for almost a week now. I don't even feel motivated today. Getting back into these things may help, but I think contemplating my emotions behind binges is key. The art journaling can help me sort out feelings. I think I should start there.

Thank you all for listening! Your kindness means so much to me!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    emoticon Hang in there, Lori.
    1606 days ago
  • _JODI404

    I think you are really growing and learning and getting stronger with this great introspection and analysis that you are doing.

    I have really been trying to limit my sugar. It is such a vicious cycle that it starts up once you have some, it seems (at least to me) physically difficult to resist having more. Makes moderation challenging! Add in stress and it is really difficult to resist.

    It is interesting that any food could trigger you, although I'm sure some are more likely to do so. If you are trying to fill a need or a void or to avoid a feeling -- I guess if you turn to food for comfort/relief/escape... whatever -- then any food would do. I still think you are smart to not keep those most tempting foods in the house.

    Staying involved in activities you enjoy is definitely a healthy way to keep your mind off of food. Reading your Bible, art journaling, knitting, walking, swimming are all great things to keep you busy and happy.

    You are dealing with some pretty heavy stress right now. I am happy to hear that you are being gentle and kind with yourself at this time. It is a learning experience, and you are learning! This kind of thing will take time to conquer, but you will get there.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1607 days ago
  • POPSY190
    I tend to eat my emotions too and I'm reading up about emotional intelligence on line so that I can get to the bottom of it all. Like you, it's not the foods that are really the problem for me, it's what lies behind my impulse to eat, eat, eat that I need to get to grips with. Good luck.
    1608 days ago
    It's taken my years to realize that binging is a symptom of something bigger. Seems like you've come to that conclusion as well which I think it brilliant and important! Keep blogging your thoughts, keep logging your calories and keep yourself accountable and the work will pay off. You are amazing and strong and so much bigger than your binging. Keep on working! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1608 days ago
    As soon as I read "popcorn" my heart started to beat faster! That's a trigger food for me because I LOVE salty, starchy foods (rather than sweets). Easier for me to give them up than try to control.

    I am an after-dinner binger. Lately I've had luck eating frozen grapes. They take a long time to eat and are sweet. AND, who EVER binges on fruit?

    I think you are making progress figuring this out. Each of us has to find his/her own way, and I thank you for sharing your journey and "aha" moments.
    1608 days ago
    I was going to suggest using hobbies to help defeat the binge cycle and then I read that you have them. Use them like there is no tomorrow. I knit when I feel emotional eating coming on. This way my hands are busy and I get something out of it. Good luck!
    1608 days ago
    I think you are on target with using your hobbies and art journal today. What a healthy way to sort out emotions and thoughts! Walking alone is helpful to me...

    The bible talks about letting our minds dwell on what is pure and lovely...sounds right, doesn't it?
    1608 days ago
    emoticon Great personal insight. emoticon the compulsion to binge will weaken if you use your tools. Best wishes to you.
    1609 days ago
    That is great that you are mindful and examining your emotions after a binge. You are learning important lessons about ourself to help you in the future because we learn more from our failures than our mistakes.

    Getting back into your hobbies is a great step in the right direction!

    1609 days ago
    Yep, under stress, and tired, and sick...all triggers for a binge. And as my 9 year old grandson told me yesterday "Nana, too much of even good food is no good for us!" He has learned his lesson much earlier than most.

    Hold on tight, and NEVER EVER give up. We will win eventually if we NEVER EVER give up!

    1609 days ago
  • KANOE10
    When you are under stress, you often lack the energy to focus on yourself. It is easy to let things slide. You are right..any food can serve as a trigger for a binge. I do find if I stay away from high sugar foods that helps.

    Ne compassionate to yourself. You are dealing with very stressful issues. I think posting here and journaling are great steps. You will find your motivation again!

    emoticon emoticon
    1609 days ago
    May today you find the peace from the Word of the Lord as you continue your journey to a healthier version of you! God Bless! emoticon
    1609 days ago
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