Well, the last couple weeks were... well, dreadful... crawling in the mud, binging with no reason, loving and hating binging at the same time. I literally stuffed myself stupid and gained 4kg in like 3 weeks or so.
But now my mind snapped back to normal and I'm back on track... at least today I was back on track... I suppose today was day 1 being back on track, yet I will not count days again. It isn't helpful for me. I also made the decision to not track the traditional way. It made me feel so caged in, so limited and somehow everything inside me rebelled against counting calories. So I thought of something new... maybe not generally new but new to me:
I will not use the SP food tracker for now but take a picture of everything I eat then send it to friends via "What's app" or maybe post it here on my blog in order to keep me accountable. Okay, you might wonder what's going on in my binge-befuddled brain so I better tell you:
I KNOW what is healthy. I know which of my favourite meals are higher or lower in calories. And when I'm not "JABBA-binge-monster-crazy" I enjoy eating healthy with a treat now and then. And you see, when I count calories I often focus on those calories and think "Ou I still have 200cal until my higher calorie range... uhm, I still feel like munching something, so why not??" So I focus on my "allowance" instead of what my body tells me. Also, you can cheat won the tracker, yes you can, and please tell me that now and then you might have cheated a tiny bit as well, because I have (guilty). And I'm totally aware that I can cheat with photos as well, either not take one or photoshop it (now, that would be rather extreme) but somehow I found myself thinking today: "Now, what does that look like on a photo??? Is the portion size ridiculously huge??". You know, I'm a secret binger, I'd never do it with someone watching, it's too embarrassing, in one of those JABBA controlled phases I even hide the sweets wrappers inside other rubbish in the rubbish bin so hubby wouldn't see it, how pathetic is THAT??? So, taking a photo of the kind and amount I eat might really help someone like me... and today it felt really liberating not to have to think about calories, and counting and whatever but to enjoy my meals (which I hadn't done at all during my binge-filled last couple weeks, how ironic is that???).
I might be totally wrong and this new approach might completely backfire yet I'm desperate for balance. I feel like I have to try a different approach or I might rebel again sooner than later. If it doesn't help, I can always go back and track like a good girl.
So how was my food day today???
I'd better upload those rather boring phone photos
My plan was this morning to get back into my morning exercise routine, yet the cold got a hold on us and I feel dreadful... so once I'm better again I will tackle the lack of exercise... ou how I dislike winter... brrrrrr