Sunday, July 21, 2013
I've been maintaining a healthy weight range for a while now. My "goal weight" is 137, and using the Maintenance team's guidelines of +/- 3%, I've been successful. I don't always feel that way though.
Weekends are still challenging. I know I overeat, either at gatherings or just hanging w/my family or even a sugar binge one of the weekend days. I also drink more alcohol (beer or wine), which is just liquid calories. My weight has always gone up, even if it's just a pound or two. I get mad at myself about that, but I also try to forgive myself and move on. I don't dwell too long on it, and get back on track on Monday, or even strive to do better at the next meal. I just wish I had more willpower so never had to feel bad about myself! But then again, it's all a part of being human, no one's perfect, so I need to let it go and move on.
Any weight gain is also discouraging. I beat myself up about it, but then I will still continue to eat junk or snack for the day. The number hangs in my head like a hidden sin, but it's not enough motivation to make me eat better on the weekend. I get so happy when I hit 137 during the week, I feel like I really look good. But even though it's not noticeable, if/when I hit 139/141, I think I start to look fat and feel bad about myself. How crazy is that? A few pounds make me feel bad about myself? I would like to learn to let this go and base my feelings of self-worth on God's love and other less vain attributes.
So, by all outward appearances, I'm a successful maintainer. But inwardly, I often feel like a failure and discouraged. It reminds me appearances are deceiving, and when I look at another woman and wish I had what she has, I have to remember there are things she has going on in her life or head that cause her unhappiness, too. We are all the same in that regard.