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Happy, Shocked and Confused

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Hello all!

It has been quite a while since I have posted something. I may be a little rusty at this but here it goes.

Happy, shocked and confused. That is how I would describe my feelings on this journey right now. for those of you who haven't scanned my page as of yet I will give a brief overview of me. I am a 19yr old female who has always had weight issues. I began my journey at upwards of 230lb and am now hanging around 209 (20 pound loss). Now that you know the back story Ill elaborate on my mix of feelings.

This one for me is easy to describe, im very happy that my health has improved. My energy level is way up, im stronger than before, recover faster, fit my clothes better (even some old ones that didn't fit before), im starting to see the beginning of abs and much much more! 20 pounds was the magic number for me, the number where i start seeing changes. I am so confident in my fitness level that I bought Turbo Fire! Im starting that when I get the package on monday and hope that 6 weeks will give me some killer results. I want to go back to school and show everyone how much i have changed, surprise some people even.

So this feeling didn't happen until today when i was looking at my weight tracker icon for where i was and where i want to be. 230lb - 170lb (about, i would be happy with 180 aswell). 230 minus 170 is 60 POUNDS! I have to admit that im ashamed to have let it creep up there so high, the worst part is i didn't even think i was that bad before. But looking at my before pictures in january and my during pictures now, i realised how bad it really was. No wonder i would keep getting called fat at the bars and the clubs. because i was in the obese catagory, i never thought i would get there. i changed so much with this 20 pounds that you can see it in my face, i can see my collar bones now where as before i couldn't. It is unbelievable that I let my self go that much, but equally as unbelievable that i brought myself back down to earth with a healthier lifestyle. i am damn proud of these 20 pounds that i have dropped!

I feel like im getting too crazy with this eating healthy thing, im now more calorie counting and working out everyday for an hour. I love the workouts but for this past week i have been really anal about my numbers and its almost taking over me. I desperately want to be 199 by september 1st, because of that im missing out on things i find fun because i don't want to "get fat" again or fall into old habits. to clear it up, heres an example: I like to go to the club and drink and dance with my friends, i always end up having a good time and come back with some crazy stories and good memories. But lately i have been avoiding it because i know alcohol is extra calories and all the hard work i have put into myself this week will be ruined by a shot of whiskey. another example: I was at a city fair, and you all know the kind of foods they have there. deep fried turkey legs and elephant ears and pretty much greasy everything! well i went without eating for a whole day because i didn't want to eat that fatty food all because im afraid it will make me fat again. i did search all around for healthy food but there was nothing in site. Its like lately i have taken this healthy life style change to a new level which is almost obsessive, im scared to eat bad foods. Has anybody out there been in the same situation? if so, please leave a comment or email me, i would love to hear how you broke this scared-of-bad-food mentality.

Anyways, thats all for now. Always try to be healthier than you were yesterday !!! emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I bet just writing this all out has helped you to focus what you really want.

    It's all about making choices, right? It sounds like you make a lot of good choices (looking for healthy foods, avoiding alcohol for the extra calories) and you've been doing awesome!

    I think you want to be careful of depriving yourself of what you consider fun - but at the same time, if you don't feel like you can only do it every now and then, and if going out partying is going to be a slippery slope of doing it too much, you may be right to avoid it until you feel stronger.

    If you do go, plan for a couple of drinks in your calorie plan - while making sure you don't deprive yourself of needed nutrients. Enter them before you go out so you know exactly what impact it will have.

    Ultimately you want this to be a lifestyle, not a diet. If you feel like you're losing out all the time, it will be hard to keep it up.

    I would not say I have broken that mentality of being scared of bad food at all - I do a lot of things in my life to set things up so I won't fail badly - but I have also learned that if I want a cookie and haven't had one in a while and it can fit into my calories, I should just get a cookie. But ONE, not a whole box :)

    And sometimes I go over my calories because I just can't resist that ice cream cone. But I get a small simple cone instead of the peanut buster parfait, etc.

    It's a journey for me. Keeping within my calories so that if I go over one day out of 30 or whatever, it's not the end of the world, regular exercise, allowing myself to indulge now and then, I finally feel like I will be successful at 43, in losing this weight.

    My dear, at 19 you have so much more wisdom than I had on this front! You will get there. Keep it up!
    1641 days ago
    Don't be scared. One bad meal once in a while is just that, as long as it is just occasionally. It won't change all the good you have done. It is great that you are getting healthy at a young age. emoticon
    1641 days ago
    I love your thoughts, your honesty, and it's nice to hear someone really looking for the right way to do things for themselves!

    I love the fact that you're avoiding "bad" foods-- it goes to show that you're putting yourself first and avoiding "unhealthy" foods! Food isn't good or bad, there is healthy food and unhealthy food, and your changes in eating habits is commendable!

    As far as going out with friends and drinking, well, I knew some guys who didn't want to drink so they'd buy a beer, dump out the beer and pour in water (with no one around, of course) and hold that bottle all night! No one pressure them to drink and they were happy to have met their own personal goal (no alcohol calories)...maybe you could order a drink without alcohol (ask the bartender which one is low cal) and then hang on to it all night (so folks will think you have a "regular" drink....

    either way, I would be proud of myself if I were you! You've learned to say NO to triggers, and NO to unhealthy eating, and that's going to help you reach your personal weight loss goal a lot faster than if you indulge! emoticon
    1641 days ago
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