Saturday, July 20, 2013
20.JULY.2013 - 10.09 AM
According to SP, I've lost 12 Pounds. Sometime in the last 2 months, I must have stepped on the scale & seen that I had gained back the 37 lbs that I lost last year when I was on the physician monitored HCG & 500 cal diet plan. Although it certainly did jump start my weight loss I didn't have the $600 to continue another 12 weeks worth of injections, f/u visits, etc.
From 218 lbs back to 255 lbs, how did that happen? 500 cal. nutrition + HCG = Starvation although I did learn how to eat & take simple pleasures in life (you have to when you are only eating 500 cal & are told NOT to exercise).
Simple pleasures = eating 1/2 a white peach or munching on 2 stone-ground wheat crackers.
That diet may have messed with my higher brain functions since 500 cal just isn't enough if your job requires you to perform complex calculations. Could be the reason why I wasn't hired for that temp job last summer.
Since June 12th, I've been attending a local *boot camp* style fitness regimen run by a friend of my younger brother. Twice a week, I attend a class where people who are in much better shape than I, spend time w/ Pete, his brother, LJ, and Nick at Krank Systems in Nutley, NJ doing body weight exercises to strengthen core muscles & a full body workout.
Actually, it was a birthday gift to me from my brother as it costs approximately $23 per session to attend Krank. It's a really supportive environment considering most of the "Kranksters" have been attending for more than 3 years & seem like everyone knows each other. It looks like a close knit group of people but I'm not really sure since I don't interact with anyone.
If you were to attend the same session that I go to, when we run, you'll notice that I'm dead last. When we do exercises, I'm usually the last one to finish up and I don't cut corners.
It is difficult though when you overhear people make comments like: "Sounds like someone's dying" and immediately think that they are referring to you. Maybe I'm just being paranoid or perhaps I do sound like I'm dying when I'm exhausted & out of breath, forcing myself past my limitations to improve my fitness. Who else could they be referring to considering that I'm the most out of shape person there?
Regardless of what they say or think, I'm not there to make friends or impress them. I'm there to break past my own barriers. I'm there for me, my survival & it was only 1 person. Everyone else I've encountered doesn't seem to be as mean but again, I don't really interact with anyone since for me, it takes enough control just to have the courage to show up & work out with a bunch of people who are healthier, better looking, & in better shape than you are.
Maybe when I'm closer to my weight goal, I'll have more confidence about interacting with people. While I'm not ashamed or embarrassed, I just don't have anything to talk about & like I mentioned already, I'm already stepping outside of my comfort zone in order to even attend a session with these people at Krank.