Saturday, July 20, 2013
I've been in a state of emotional dysregulation for the past few weeks.. I've been way too stressed out, with repressed emotions suddenly bubbling up, and my hormones have been out of whack. I've had panic attacks and suicidal ideation and self-harm. I think it's getting better, though. I'm doing everything I can to feel calmer. I shared a video with my bf about BPD and his response has been incredibly supportive and understanding. I plan to get counseling and hopefully behavioral therapy to deal with this condition next month, when my health insurance kicks in... but until then, I'm just trying to focus on what I can do to lower emotions and to feel better.
One thing that makes me feel better is setting goals, reaching for them, and achieving them. I've gained several lbs due stress and possibly bloating... back to 353. I'm going to try to lose 1-2 lb per week for the next 30 days, so that I can be back in the 340s and feeling confident when classes start (Aug 21).
This is my plan:
-Meditation every day for at least 10 minutes
-Self-validation and practicing gratefulness every morning when I wake up
-Walking each weekday morning for 30 min at a slow-moderate pace, followed by a stretch.
-Strength training or yoga 3x per week
-Tracking food and continuing to cook healthful meals at home (my diet is pretty good already, so at least that hasn't slipped)
-Strict sleep schedule, in bed by 10, asleep by 11. Eating meals at regular times.
-Keeping up with cleaning/laundry one chore at a time
-Blogging about my emotions and progress each day
I'm going to focus on these goals. One day at a time... one decision at a time. Small steps towards feeling good again.
Thanks for your continuing support.