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Saturday, July 20, 2013

I've been in a state of emotional dysregulation for the past few weeks.. I've been way too stressed out, with repressed emotions suddenly bubbling up, and my hormones have been out of whack. I've had panic attacks and suicidal ideation and self-harm. I think it's getting better, though. I'm doing everything I can to feel calmer. I shared a video with my bf about BPD and his response has been incredibly supportive and understanding. I plan to get counseling and hopefully behavioral therapy to deal with this condition next month, when my health insurance kicks in... but until then, I'm just trying to focus on what I can do to lower emotions and to feel better.

One thing that makes me feel better is setting goals, reaching for them, and achieving them. I've gained several lbs due stress and possibly bloating... back to 353. I'm going to try to lose 1-2 lb per week for the next 30 days, so that I can be back in the 340s and feeling confident when classes start (Aug 21).

This is my plan:
-Meditation every day for at least 10 minutes
-Self-validation and practicing gratefulness every morning when I wake up
-Walking each weekday morning for 30 min at a slow-moderate pace, followed by a stretch.
-Strength training or yoga 3x per week
-Tracking food and continuing to cook healthful meals at home (my diet is pretty good already, so at least that hasn't slipped)
-Strict sleep schedule, in bed by 10, asleep by 11. Eating meals at regular times.
-Keeping up with cleaning/laundry one chore at a time
-Blogging about my emotions and progress each day

I'm going to focus on these goals. One day at a time... one decision at a time. Small steps towards feeling good again.
Thanks for your continuing support.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Great goals! I know what you mean about how important it is to be working on a's something you CAN control, when the rest of your life feels chaotic. Just work on a little at a time, YOU CAN DO IT! emoticon
    1697 days ago
  • PEG2584
    You've set some very good SMART goals. Just remember to take it one day, one pound at a time and you'll definitely succeed!
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    Also, glad you're feeling better!
    1699 days ago
  • KACAR51
    Awesome goals! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1699 days ago
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    1700 days ago
  • KIPPER15
    Goals can keep you focused. So glad you are feeling better. Good thoughts and well wishes for you. emoticon
    1700 days ago
  • MJ7DM33
    1700 days ago
    Stress is a powerful thing and it can have very negative consequences. I think you are very brave in talking about it and searching for support and also for help. Many people won't do that because they're afraid of the reaction that they'll get from others. I applaud you for that. Keep going, don't give up, and don't beat yourself up if you slip up because it's normal. I know I believe in you!!

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    1700 days ago
    When I first started my weight loss journey 11 years ago... I would become overwhelmed by the thought of all the weight I needed to lose. I found a way to cope by telling myself to just take 1 day and 1 lb at a time. I wish you the best!
    1700 days ago
    1700 days ago
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