Saturday, July 20, 2013
Today I saw perhaps the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life. She was so simple, but so gorgeous and elegant at the same time. She had her slightly wavy hair pulled back into a low ponytail, and she had on a boatneck red and white striped top with some navy shorts/coolots on, sunglasses, and a pair of flats. She didn't have on a ton of makeup, wasn't wearing an evening gown...nothing like that. She was VERY pretty, but she was just so fresh and simple and well-groomed. She was standing on a sidewalk, waiting to cross a street as I drove by in my car. She caught my attention and I truly could not take my eyes off her (which was probably a bad thing since I was driving...Fortunately I could only see her for a few seconds). I also saw several other women over the next few minutes that were also very pretty, very well put-together. I cleaned two houses today, so I was in my work clothes. Sweaty and grubby. Of course I spent the rest of the day, off and on, feeling kind of lousy about myself...and at the same time, somewhat motivated.
I'm one of those people who has really "let herself go." I used to be more stylish, I did my hair and makeup every day, got my hair trimmed every six weeks without fail. I either did my own nails and did my own hair (color, highlights, etc) or had it done. I paid attention to my appearance, but I wasn't obsessed about it like some women are. I actually went clothes shopping pretty regularly, adding new pieces to my wardrobe.
I'm at the point now that I just wear clothes for comfort. I don't have any pretty clothes anymore, except for just a couple of dresses. All of my clothes are super casual. You know the clothes you wear on a rainy day when you're stuck at home and not going anywhere? Sweats or yoga pants and a tee shirt? That's my every day wardrobe. I don't even really wear makeup anymore.
I really want to get myself back. But...I don't have money to go out and buy new clothes right now. I have a hard time thinking about shopping for clothes when I'm trying to lose weight anyway...like it's some kind of waste. I have just really lost my sense of style and it makes me feel really sad sometimes. Like I'm just this blah-blob of a person. Like I'm just there. I keep thinking that losing weight and getting in shape will give me confidence as well as a better body for clothes...but then I don't take myself to the gym like I should and I don't eat like I should.
How do you start to get yourself back after losing yourself SO LONG AGO? What's the first step? How does one do this? Any advice?
It's past my bedtime as it is. I'm just going to sleep on it. I know I will wake up tomorrow feeling refreshed and renewed and ready to take on a new day...and a new start.