Friday, July 19, 2013
Dang, has it been a long time since I've blogged or what?! Well, not for nothing, but I have been here, checking my friend feed, tracking my exercise, intermittently tracking my food intake...
I've been traveling a lot for work. Two trips ago, I went to DC, which was AWESOME, because I miss it there like crazy. I got to see so many friends and do so many things I used to do when I lived there. And the conference was very informative, of course!
They had me set up at the Hilton a few blocks up from Dupont Circle, and I should have left on Friday, because the conference ended at 1, but I never look at the schedules when I plan these things, so I end up being crazy-early or staying crazy-late. Friday night, it was POURING. I couldn't go anywhere, and I was tired from everything, so didn't really want to. I didn't much want to pay for overpriced hotel bar food, but a girl's gotta eat.
So I went down to the bar. I ordered a Yuengling (yay, Yuengling beer--it's good to be HOME!) and a small pizza. My pizza took forever, and I took to talking to the man sitting next to me at the bar drinking prosecco. We had a really, really great conversation...discussed our jobs and lives...he lived in DC, kind of near Foggy Bottom and had gotten married two weeks before, and asked me if I had any advice for happy marriage since I'd been married so long. I mean, really, a great conversation. I thought it was so cool to meet a new friend.
He mentions his honeymoon is going to be two weeks in Italy, and he's leaving the next day for Milan, and because I am in LOVE with Diego Forlan, I have to bring him up at any opportunity. He is an Uruguayan soccer player who plays in Brazil, so I'll admit it was a bit of a stretch, but hey, two seasons ago, he was in Milan, so there! Anyway, I took my opportunity and brought up the match between Uruguay and Brazil...and Forlan. The guy asked me if my husband would give me a hall pass for Forlan, and I said, "Well, I don't know about giving me one, but I'd certainly take one, because I am a sucker for blond curls."
Later, we exchanged cards, which wasn't weird, because I'd been at a conference, where I'd been exchanging dozens of cards everyday, and he asks me if that's my cell on it. I said no, and he asked for my cell. Then he texts me, as we're sitting right there, like, you know, now you have my number, too. Then, he texts that he has a weird question...
then he texts, "Would like to have a hall pass with me?"
EW! GROSS! NO! WHAT WAS IT ABOUT BLOND CURLS THAT HE DID NOT UNDERSTAND???
As I'm staring at this, I see him text again, "If I've insulted you, please let me know, and I'll leave respectfully." Respectfully? RESPECTFULLY?? What does HE know about respectfully???
I looked up from my phone and said, "Well, I'm going to go now. Have fun on your honeymoon." And then I grabbed my purse and RAN. I got to the elevator bay and pried the doors open as they were closing and burst into an elevator, where two ladies stood, and I told them my story, and they were horrified as well. I RAN to my room, because I was afraid that this guy might have seen where my elevator stopped, and it was down a HUUUUGE hallway, and he had much longer legs than I had.
At this point, I've received two more texts, one apologizing for being a jerk, and a second telling me he'd recently been diagnosed with Parkinson's disease and his meds make him a little wacky. I did not reply to these texts.
I called my husband, and he chided me, making the extremely valid point that people don't go to bars inside hotels where they aren't staying, "unless it's the movies." Well, okay, I'll remember that next time.
It was all I could think about, though, all that night and the next day. I was very upset about the whole situation. In my 20s, I'd've laughed it off. Now, I just felt...cheap, stupid and disrespected. We really were having a GREAT, very PLATONIC conversation--no innuendo, no flirting. And if he had just given us three more minutes...we'd both already paid our bills, we'd've walked away having had a great conversation and a new friend. Just because you THINK something doesn't mean you have to SAY it.
And I also thought--and here's where it gets relevant to the blog title and SparkPeople--this guy must be ridiculous. Or desperate. Or actually telling the truth and on meds that make him wacky. Or a deviant. Because I am NOT a catch any more--especially on that night. I was dressed like I was in my own living room, with flat, greasy hair, and I'm pretty sure I was only wearing makeup on one eye. And I'd just eaten a whole pizza. And I'm fat. I retched on the phone with my husband and was looking in the mirror, and I said, "Ew, sex with me would be disgusting." Seriously, what is wrong with this guy?
And what is wrong with me? How can I be so mean? I would never think that about anybody else...although, I guess I wouldn't think much about other people having sex, anyway, but still. In the moment when I was saying it, and actually relaying it to other people, I think it's true. And that makes me sad.
Member Comments About This Blog Post
I just realized I never commented on this blog. What an awkward situation for you... I guess he WAS lying about being married (not yet)... I read about this weird thing that some women go after married men more, so maybe he was testing the theory. Or just a weirdo. But don't be so down on yourself just because he made you feel gross. you are not gross. he just transferred that weird energy on to you. Anyway, I know this blog is the last thing on your mind but I didn't want to never respond with my thoughts
1149 days ago
eek sorry you ran into such a jerk!
1156 days ago
Ditto to everything else said here! You did nothing wrong! What a creep! And, girl, you are beautiful inside & out! Don't be so mean to yourself!
I hope he leaves you alone. And, I hope this doesn't make you feel unsure of yourself, or future interactions you may have with others. It's those kind, innocent moments that keep humanity in this world of technology. Once again, you did nothing wrong & were just acting like a decent, kind human being!
1161 days ago
You did nothing wrong. You were relaxing, having dinner, visiting with a new friend....who turned out to be a creep. Sending hugs, Laurel
1161 days ago
You can never underestimate the sliminess of a fellow human. It's not that you are unworthy, it's that you were in the place when he choose to be gross, and the asking you isn't the gross part, it's the taking advantage of a human connection that is the violation. you did nothing wrong.
1162 days ago
No, I've got this guy's real name and real employment. He has been Googled. There was a ton of BS to his stories--he claimed to be directly supervised by a certain person that anyone would recognize and did show me multiple pics of them together. I'm sure he's met her on many occasions, but she is not his supervisor.
His connection to Chicago checked out. And there is...well, not a wife. He and a lady have a page on theknot.com with a wedding date set for October. However, he was from another culture, one I'm pretty sure would allow for the engagement/wedding lines to somewhat blur. She's cute. Poor her.
And a bit more than two weeks later, on Tuesday, I got a new text from him apologizing again for his "crass behavior" after he "reflected on our brief time together." Who the eff talks like that? That's why I'm blogging now. It's been on my mind AGAIN. Please, guy, leave me and it alone. I suspect he might worry, because DC is an oddly small town. It wouldn't be outside the realm of possibility that I could make life uncomfortable for him if I wanted to, especially since he gave me all his contact information. Ain't technology great?
Anyway, I'm rambling, but the lying part fascinates me, actually. I wonder if you're right, and he's that good, plotting down to the minute we both had already paid...that is even creepier.
1163 days ago
Oh sweetie. First of all, NO. Sex with you would NOT be disgusting. You are a beautiful, smart, interesting person, & your husband is blessed to have you sharing his life & his bed. Don't attack yourself because this predator tried to get something going with you! What you were feeling at that moment was a reaction to the violation. Don't turn it against yourself. You don't deserve it.
Second, I was weirded out right away by the dude's story: he just got married but is out in a bar late without his new wife?? I really doubt the whole story. I think he concocted it because it makes women feel safe with him, as it did you. What a jerk.
I hope he leaves you alone now. If he doesn't, I hope you can block him permanently.
You were being cheerfully friendly & guileless in this situation, & you didn't deserve that sh*t. Much love to you. You be good to yourself, now, because you've been through a traumatic experience & need to feel safe & comforted.
P.S. I got your stickery letter & loved it! I'll answer when life slows down a bit, in August.
1163 days ago
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