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Doing This for {ME}

Friday, July 19, 2013

For a really long time I essentially avoided healthy eating and exercise. Twenty years, give or take.

Many people avoid those things... and I doubt my reason is unique. But it's not something I hear about very often.

When I was younger, I was in a relationship with a rather unkind person. It didn't start out that way. But I was his first real girlfriend, and at some point he became cruel. Like a lot of twenty-something girls, I was insecure about my looks. I thought I was fat. I thought I was ugly. And he played right into those insecurities, assuring me that I should be grateful for him because nobody else would want to date me.

It got so bad that he would expect regular updates on what kind of workouts I was doing. We would go out for dinner and he would tell me what I could and couldn't eat. It was never a physically abusive relationship, but it definitely let its mark emotionally.

The relationship eventually ended, but the scars remained. I got rid of him, but I let him stay in my head... in a reverse psychology kind of way. I would do the exact opposite of what he used to demand.

So I didn't exercise. I ate whatever I wanted. Just because I could.

It took a long time to break free of ALL those chains. I have no idea what happened back in January to make me want to take better care of myself. Subconsciously, I think I knew that the people in my life now would never hurt me like that. That knowledge gave me the self-confidence to realize that by avoiding exercise and portion-control, I was still letting him win. Just in a different way.

I was talking to my bestie this week about it. I get to make the choices for my life. And I choose happy! Hopefully, happy will stay for a nice long visit this time!

(I'm hoping the temperature drops a bit tomorrow so I can walk a emoticon. THAT would make me very happy!!! The Color Run is four weeks from tomorrow... really looking forward to it, and I want to be ready!)

Enjoy the weekend, everyone!
Stay cool!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    "Doing this for Me"... the best reason in the world. I'm glad you finally washed his abusive voice from your head. Enjoy the color run!
    emoticon emoticon
    1678 days ago
  • E1SPAG
    I am glad you know what you need to let go to move on, thanks for sharing! emoticon
    1681 days ago
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