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    PIPPIDY   13,655
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I Can't Control Others


Friday, July 19, 2013

I was super excited when my BF decided to do the obstacle race, the Warrior Dash with me. He really just did it to show up his friend who I convinced to join me a couple of weeks ago. It was so nice that he started running & eating clean with me, but now I feel like he's taking it too far. He has knee issues & when we came back from our run today, he had to lay down & put ice on it for about 20 minutes before he could even bear weight on it. Then we picked up our weekly 'cheat' meals & he all but threw a fit when we got home because they didn't give him enough ketchup & all we have in the house are clean eating condiments. I'm worried he's hurting himself mentally & physically & it's all my fault. He's just going about it so stupidly. We're both in the medical field & he should know better. I've been training for months for this event & he only started a couple of weeks ago. Not to mention, Ive always been active & he's been incredibly sedentary for years. I can't change his mind, but I can't shrug the guilt emoticon
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LARSIL 7/24/2013 9:16AM

    PIPPIDY, read the title of your blog again - "I Can't Control Others". You're right - you didn't control your BF to join the adventure (which arm did you twist??) and you aren't controlling his eating habits (did YOU or did HE order the "cheat meal"??). Lay down your guilty feelings. You're not to blame.

But you can "ease up" the invitations to work out and train with you. More like, "I'm going to go running. Would you like to come with me some of the way?" "I'm having a salad for lunch. What can I fix for you?" Lead by example, but let him make his own decisions - and then be satisfied with whatever amount he does with you.

You're doing great - and, little by little, you're influencing him and he will make the changes toward a healthier lifestyle, too. Don't take on any guilt. Pass him the ibuprofen and smile as you head out the door for a second lap.

emoticon Larry

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MAESTRAPLANK12 7/20/2013 10:58AM

    I agree about the codependency. Codependent No More is a great book that strengthened me as I became sober and it helps me to deal with my husband and family members who still drink. Your BF made his decision to participate. He needs to work his own program; you need to work yours. This is when The Serenity Prayer kicks in. My dh is having knee and ankle issues right now because he decided to start on the treadmill. We are almost 68 so I know it is arthritis. He is working on finding a solution. He will.

Blessings to you today and always. emoticon

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PIPPIDY 7/19/2013 7:35PM

    Thanks Lyn & Capecod. The race isn't until August 3rd, so he can definitely do it. He just needs to take it easy. His whole family is like that though. His sister will also be joining us & when she found out I was running 3 miles & she could only do 2, she pushed herself so hard she made herself physically ill. They want to have mastered it YESTERDAY, especially if someone else is more advanced/experienced than them. I just love them & don't want them to get hurt, but to the same extent, I know it's not me pushing them - just their own competitive nature. Trying to tell myself that their decisions are not my fault.

Comment edited on: 7/19/2013 7:36:48 PM

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CAPECODBABE 7/19/2013 7:21PM

    When is the race? Just know it's not your fault!

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LYNMEINDERS 7/19/2013 7:13PM

    Please don't take it on board that you are to blame for someone elses stupidity.......it is not your fault.....
They have to sort their own stuff and not put it on others....
It is not your "suitcase" to carry...it is his....

I have many people just like this that i deal with and so many partners become co-dependants because they want to keep the other person happy.....
Don't go down that path my sweet...it is a dead end path and takes a long time to get back from it.....

Praying for you

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