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    BEATINGED   7,856
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AWESOME DAY! Thanks to another sparkpeople member

Friday, July 19, 2013

Today I woke up feeling like just what is the point of everything..... In the last couple weeks the more I try the worse off everything seems to be.....
About a week ago I went to an appointment with my doctor and she looked me in the face and said.... you are not following anything I have told you so you are a total waste of my time... now to some extent she is right I havnt been able to follow everything she has asked of me.... with an eating disorder it is not about someone just saying oh you need to do this now go do it..... ohhhh how i wish it was that easy but its just not... EVERY DAY IS A FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE.... This doctor was rude and out of line she had no clue how unprofessional she was and nor did she care.... those words "you are a total waste of my time" hit me so HARD i was crying for days and really feeling just how worthless i was as a human.
BUT today I woke up........ logged on spark people as i have been trying to be here EVERYDAY because honestly sparkpeople are the only positiveness i get out of my day.... I some how linked to someones blog and i spent the whole morning reading it..... the attitude and positive energy this woman has is truly AMAZING..... I sure hope the message i sent her was ok..... i just wanted her to know how much of a difference she made in my life today :) I wont mention her name here in my post because im pretty careful about doing things like that. But as a community spark people are the best!!!!! Honestly this womans blog did more for me that 2 1/2 yrs of therapy with an eating disorder specialist!!!! This is amazing!!!! Im so full of hope and knowing on the inside I AM NOT WORTHLESS and my life does have meaning!!!!
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BEATINGED 7/21/2013 1:08PM

    Thank you EVERYONE that commented on this journal of mine :) I am doing so much better and using spark people site to get out of the darkness.... all of you totally rock! Hugggzzz thank you so much! emoticon

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WATCHMEGO! 7/20/2013 9:07AM

    I had a similar experience with a doctor once. Found a new one. The new one simply looked at me and gently asked, "Now, what are you doing about your weight?" Not judging, just asking. At that point (over 280 pounds) I had to simply say, "Well, I talk about it a lot" but there was nothing I could say that I actually, consistently DID. The way questions are asked is so important, isn't it?

I'm glad you found some motivation. This is a great site with a lot of motivational people. Keep coming back!

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MAGGIE101857 7/20/2013 8:45AM

    I would like to make an excuse for the DR's behavior/comment, but I can't! Very hurtful, and if she is dealing with people with eating disorders, she should know that what she said would cause you to feel more pain, guilt and self-doubt. I know it would be hard for you to confront her and tell her how much this hurt, but it would be good for your soul and perhaps give you the strength to find a more supportive doctor.

I'm so happy you found the blog you did!!! I couldn't agree more - SP can be a life saver!!! We never know whose life we are touching when we post our blogs, whether it be a new strategy, a good belly laugh, a feeling of community. IT'S ALL GOOD!!!

Have a wonderful weekend! You deserve it!!!

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KPETSCHE 7/20/2013 2:23AM

    Wow! I'm glad you were able to find something in SparkPeople that counteracted the depressing thoughts from your MD visit. Doctors are busy but they should NEVER be as rude as this doctor was. I hope you are considering finding a new doctor - one that is more compassionate to your difficulties. Congrats on finding some positives for yourself. Like STINASTEW said - you are worth it!!!
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STINASTEW 7/19/2013 9:52PM

    I'm sorry that a doctor said that to you, but I'm glad you stumbled upon that blog! It's unfortunate you are feeling worthless. No one should ever have that feeling! You can do this, but it may take you longer than the next person. That's okay! Progress is progress! Good luck! :) You can do it & YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!! Don't let anyone tell you different!

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