Friday, July 19, 2013
Today I woke up feeling like just what is the point of everything..... In the last couple weeks the more I try the worse off everything seems to be.....
About a week ago I went to an appointment with my doctor and she looked me in the face and said.... you are not following anything I have told you so you are a total waste of my time... now to some extent she is right I havnt been able to follow everything she has asked of me.... with an eating disorder it is not about someone just saying oh you need to do this now go do it..... ohhhh how i wish it was that easy but its just not... EVERY DAY IS A FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE.... This doctor was rude and out of line she had no clue how unprofessional she was and nor did she care.... those words "you are a total waste of my time" hit me so HARD i was crying for days and really feeling just how worthless i was as a human.
BUT today I woke up........ logged on spark people as i have been trying to be here EVERYDAY because honestly sparkpeople are the only positiveness i get out of my day.... I some how linked to someones blog and i spent the whole morning reading it..... the attitude and positive energy this woman has is truly AMAZING..... I sure hope the message i sent her was ok..... i just wanted her to know how much of a difference she made in my life today :) I wont mention her name here in my post because im pretty careful about doing things like that. But as a community spark people are the best!!!!! Honestly this womans blog did more for me that 2 1/2 yrs of therapy with an eating disorder specialist!!!! This is amazing!!!! Im so full of hope and knowing on the inside I AM NOT WORTHLESS and my life does have meaning!!!!