Friday, July 19, 2013
There was an electrical storm that turned into a severe thunderstorm last Friday nite. I had unplugged everything and we lost power and then since it's all "bundled" no phone, no internet and not cable. When we finally got the problems resolved my laptop was done. I spent 3 hours on the phone with the HP "help" (and I use this term VERY LOOSELY") and they had me do a total reset. Now it's supposed to be a fresh clean slate...only NO connection to the internet. NONE. ZIPPO! I just wanted to boomerang throw it out the window.
The guy came very early Saturday morning to put up the back fence and collect his firewood from the massive tree cutting project in my backyard. I jumped in to take a quick shower and the hot water wouldn't shut off. I have a friend who told me years ago his best plumbing tip is to have a full tank of gas. And I did and made 4 trips to the hardware store plus a visit to my neighbor's plumbing supply box and decided to wait for the plumber who has the correct tools to come and do the job on Tuesday since I had to drive down to the VA on Monday for some minor surgery. I was on high stress adrenaline. The tub is leaking hot water because it comes straight out of the hot water tank in the basement and the valve to shut off my side of the duplex doesn't shut it off all the way. So I'm filling the tub with hot water twice each day with a hot water leak.
I'm stressing about how "minor" this surgery is going to actually be. I go out to breakfast and actually eat pancakes with loads of butter and syrup. Then go out to lunch and the chili burger sounds just great. I only ate half my fries. I have no inclination to do dishes in the bathtub and worry that if I turn the hot water on to my apt again the leak might get worse. I go out to dinner. Ate a chef salad. Not a bad choice except I swear they put a pound of ham on it...and it was smoky and wonderful and I finished the whole thing.
Sunday I am back on track. Eat grapefruit and hard-boiled eggs. A lettuce salad, a roasted chicken breast. Can't track because the library is closed and my computer is kaput. I wake up every hour all night from the heat and the fear that I will sleep thru my alarm and I must be on the road by 6 a.m. to make the first VA appt at 10. I get up and get dressed in elastic waist pants and a really baggy t-shirt so it's easy in and out for the exams and no sticking to my skin after the lump removal. Get a 52 oz. iced coffee-which is my drink of choice and is only coffee and ice-never sugar or cream. Have to have a full bladder for the pelvic ultrasound and the transvaginal ultrasound at 11 a.m. Don't eat because I think the anesthetic might make me sick. I stopped at our favorite bakery and get bear claws and French donuts for my mom and make a little bathroom break and fill my cup with ice water. Get to the VA early and ask if I can do the ultrasounds early since my bladder is full and I really have to use the bathroom. Nope. So I use the bathroom and then begin again to drink another 52 oz. of ice water.
Lump removal goes okay. Is bigger than the surgeon anticipated and has somehow split and has a blood vessel connecting the two parts. I look at it to see what he is talking about and now I'm afraid. Plus surgeon was late and then it took longer so now am late for my ultrasound appointments and really have to pee. Fortunately they took me in and were very impressed at how full my bladder was, let me get dressed and go to the bathroom. I went down to HR to turn in my resignation paperwork. Long story but didn't go well as they wanted me to go to all these different departments and get signatures and I said "Nope!" had a little minor surgery and now am going for a uterine biopsy. Didn't drive down here for this today and was told all I needed to do was turn in this paperwork.
Was dreading the biopsy not only because of what I was afraid he might discover but because I was going to have to lay on my back where I had just had the lump removed and didn't know if the lidocaine had worn off. All kinds of crazy thoughts running thru my head and I am very hungry as it's now close to 1. Can't eat until after the 1:00 appointment. Get that over with. It was much more painful than I had imagined. It was so hot and I was woozy going out to the car. Stopped over at friend's and rested and visited for about an hour before I began the drive back home. Stopped at a little c-store and got gas and 2 chicken legs to eat on the drive. The chicken smelled funky to me so I tossed it. Finally got to Great Falls-which is really only about 90 miles but I was tired and woozy so I popped in off the first exit and went to McDonald's and had a chicken salad. Made me feel a little better. Went to Home Depot to check on some things and then to Ace hardware to buy an umbrella clothesline and headed for home.
Got in at 8 p.m. and talked to the dogs and let them out and talked to my mom and went to bed. Couldn't sleep. The adhesive on the wound was tearing at a scab from an unknown bite that I had been doctoring for 2 weeks. I put Vaseline all around it and peeled up as much as I could and tried to get comfortable. Slept in fits and starts and was up at my local VA clinic at 8:45 a.m. to have the nurse do a wound check and she changed the big gauze pad to a big Band-Aid and worked on the bug bite and put a Band-Aid on that as well. Told me she would put in my charts about the adverse reaction to the adhesive in the tape.
Took my laptop out to WallyWorld and they were no help at all. Even though they have the same item on sale this week-I told them it has crashed twice and I've lost all the data twice since I bought it in December. That made me angry.
I guess the bottom line is that it's been a bitch of a week and I'm crabby and tired and generally pissed off about my present life circumstances. So I haven't been tracking and sparking and have been eating fritos and Cheetos and pancakes. I have one more day of working at the country fair booth for the senior citizens. It's so hot over that stupid deep fryer plus I baked (but didn't even taste) 9 pies for them. Hot water leak still not fixed. Plumber unavailable until mid-week next week. So did the stress let me think it was okay to eat Cheetos and pancakes...or not being able to track....or read my e-mails and my usual routine with my computer. Was it the all-at-once of hot water leak and surgery scare-and won't have the results til Monday. There is no one or nothing to blame except ME-what I chose to do to cope. I certainly could have made better choices despite all that was going on around me.
When I feel like I want to explode with anger why do I still choose to stuff those feelings with salty crunchy things instead of swimming laps or going for a long walk. I could blame the not wanting to walk on the heat, but it's not hot in the water. How can I be so close to 55 years old and still have such a lack of coping skills. When I was younger I thought it would be easier when I got older. Wisdom would help. But now I'm older and in many ways wiser but I revert to the crunchy salty stuffing over things I really can't change.
So I started over on Atkins today. I won't be tracking or checking in everyday until I get the computer situation fixed because it's just not possible to come to the library every day. But each day I am going to try to choose to eat for health and to exercise for anger and stress. My bike tires are full and the pool hours are extended so I'm back on track?