Friday, July 19, 2013
I was driving home from class tonight, passing under a bridge just at dusk, when I looked up and saw something beautiful. A bird was quite literally soaring across the bridge. Wings outstretched, the last rays of sunlight shining through its paper-thin feathers. For the briefest moment I closed my eyes and let the wind pouring in the window touch my face, and I felt it too--weightlessness.
And not just weightlessness from the pounds weighing down my body, but relief from the constant suffering I put myself through by prolonging weight loss because of fear, self-sabotage, and lack of will to continue. For just a moment, I let all of it go--physical and emotional--and let myself feel the weightlessness that bird must feel soaring in the twilight air.
The moment left me quickly and I drove home, feeling once again tortured by a continuing barrage of thoughts about weight loss, food, my body, my health, my looks. I closed my eyes, sitting at my desk looking out into the settling sun, and I realized that if I ever want the peace and freedom of that soaring bird I must prove to myself, to no one but me, that I am capable. No more selling myself short, no more self-sabotage, no more tomorrows or Mondays or 1st's. Just now. I do not want to see another sun setting and feel disappointed in myself. I want to look at the birds in the sky buoyed upwards and onwards by their outstretched weightless feathers and feel as they do.
You could technically call this Day One of a weight loss plan, but I have thought of it that way too many times. This is just plain and simple IT. My time, my time to begin and never stop. But birds traveling long distances cannot make it very far on their own. That's why they travel in their neat little V patterns, to keep the headwind from taking them all down. I hope together we can push past that headwind, and I can't wait to become a part of the community here on SparkPeople. So happy to be here!